OVERDOSED INSANITY

2006-10-05T20:06:00.000-07:00

Do you change for love?
Or do you let love change you?
Which one is more appropriate?

2006-10-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

I love DOTA.
I wanna marry DOTA.
DOTA is the air I breathe in.

DOTA.
Forever and ever.
dota dota dota dota dota...

I'm so freakin' tired. I feel like crap. I havent even studied for tomorrow's presentation yet. Whatever.. I'm just gonna swallow my valiums and then say whatever.

So............. Wala. I'm just.. So sick.. Of love songs.. So tired of tears.. So done with wishin'.... Blah blah blahdi blahhhhh...

Trust me. The first place Imma go to as soon as I'm done with all this shit, is the bar.. Get pissed drunk so I can go home and wake up after a week.

Agghhhhh.. Life sucks.

2006-10-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

;(

If you, if you could return, Don't let it burn, Don't let it fade. I'm sure I'm not being rude, But it's just your attitude. It's tearing me apart, it's ruining ev'rything. I swore, I swore I would be true And honey, so did you. So, why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you? But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you. You got me wrapped around your finger,ah ,ha, ha. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, Do you have to, Do you have to let it linger? Oh, I thought the world of you. I thought that nothing could go wrong, But I was wrong. I was wrong. If you, if you could get by Trying not to lie, Things wouldn't be so confused And I wouldn't feel so used, But you always really knew I just wanna be with you. But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you. You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, Do you have to, Do you have to let it linger?

2006-08-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

WHAT THE FUCK

"Psychologically speaking, the passion doesnt last more than a year.. And its normal for one part who is MORE DESPERATE to have an initial reaction of seeking attention.. Which is usually the girl, who prefers security"

That's what my friend told me.

MORE DESPERATE???????? Hah!!!!!!!!!! DESPERATE?! I think that's so unfair. The so-called "passion" doesnt last more than a year? Who are we to say that?.... I'm not mad at my friend.. Its just that, I AM STUNNED by how guys talk about it like its nothing... Like it doesnt matter.

What the fuck.
Maybe they're right.
Maybe nothing lasts forever.

BULLSHIT.

I'm gonna sound really fucking stupid, but... Am I the only one in this world who still believes that love lasts forever? That love is capable of staying as sweet and brand new forever? What is it with girls, man........ Who led us to believe all that crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TANGINA ANG SAKIT NA NG ULO KO!

2006-08-08T22:42:00.000-07:00

WHY ARE GAY GUYS SO HOTT?!

Gay guys have been adding me left and right in my MySpace account. I checked out their profiles and they're all so hott. What the hell is wrong with the world today?!

I havent updated this blog in weeks.. Because I've been "busy" with life. And I've been busy annoying Zubair. But now he's officially pissed off and is probably thinking of breaking up with me again so I'm gonna stop.

Let's start blogging again, shall we? :)

I'm on this new program.. Which I will tell no one about because its top secret.. Haha. But I'll let you guys know what happens after a month or two.

School's aiight..

I need a new set of friends because the closest ones I have are out of the country as of now and then the others are somewhere out there, enjoying life. I need someone to hang out with, hello?!!! SOMEBODY RESCUE ME!!!!! Preferrably someone who can keep up with me and my retardness....... Then again, I know I cant find anyone like that in a million years. Even my own boyfriend cant stand me. HAHAHAHA.

Gots ta get back to work!

2006-07-14T01:13:00.000-07:00

THIS BLOG LOOKS DEAD.

Haha.. Wawa naman. Been kinda lazy to update.. Just loggin' in to make paramdam and let you guys know I'm still alive. Good for me. Too bad for you. Hehe..

Hay! I miss Kokoy!

Zee got his car bdw.. Baby lets go to Puerto! Haha..

2006-07-07T01:22:00.000-07:00

im so upset i could kill someone right now.

2006-06-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

SHOPPPPPIING!!!

My parents and lil sis are back so I've been kinda busy.. They arrived last Saturday and Mac and I picked them up. My Dad was craving for a Champ so we dropped by Jollibee Katipunan to eat before going home..

As usual... My Mom's back so shopping to the max! Man we were out yesterday and I almost gave up on my Mom.. Imagine having to walk til you sprain your ankles for 6hours straight! Damn! But anyway its all good.. Even if I didnt deserve to go out on a shopping spree, I still did because she insisted and.. Well.. Let's just say, I dont let opportunities pass me by. HAHAHA.

She's so over Mango, TopShop and Zara because I saw all her shit and everything's from Liz Claiborne. I'm not really fond of LC except for the bags and accesories. She bought so many and some of them still had their tag prices on, I was even thinking of just selling them but they're too pretty so I stole about 25pairs of earrings and 3 necklaces from Mom. Hahaha. You wouldnt believe it but SHE has more stuff than I do. I'm not exaggerating but I think she has like 30 more earrings and necklaces with her and a lot more back in Kuwait. And I'm like.. MOM, WHAT THE HELL?!!!! She said the really good ones were the ones she left back in Kuwait and she didnt want to bring them here cuz she knew I'd steal them away from her. Hahahaha. But that's fine..

ANYWAY. There's nothing to tell really.. Except its been a good life since they got back. They havent killed me yet for all my sins because they've been busy too.. My Dad's too busy drinking beer with my Titos cuz he missed drinking and my Mom's too busy being a Mom.

School starts tomorrow.. And I dunno if I'm excited but hey, I had a lot of fun during the vacation.. Even if Zee wasnt around most of the time, I still got to spend time with Jaime, Sandy and our other friends..

K gotta run.. Byyyyyyyeeeeeeeee.

2006-06-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

WHO YOU CALLIN' JOLOGS?!

This is something interesting that I learned from my good friend, Wowie.. :)

Do you know that the term JOLOGS (a label for people within the popular culture) is a manifestation of a great cultural divide between the Filipinos during Spanish era? Back then.. The upper class called the majority, indios.

Let's take a glimpse on some small, yet powerful details about our history thats affecting our lives today.. The word "Indio" is not a racial slur but more of a status expletive.. As "Jologs" today call one another "Jologs".. "Indios" back then called one another "Indios" as well..
I dont like history! But my history teacher in college made me! So here are some few twists about our history you might have never thought about..

The word "Mestizo" in our own definition is a mix breed of half native, half Spanish blood may look down on native citizens but the pure Spanish look down on them.. Up to now we still inherit their aesthetic sense.. Mestizos today are artistas, commercial models or simply popular crush ng bayan..

But even the pure Spanish who stayed here has also created a division among themselves.. Those who were born in mother Spain were called "Peninsulares" and felt superior from their fellow Spaniards who were just born in the Philippines.. "The Insulares" being ethnocentric is within the genes.. I suppose.

Another one! Contrary to what you've imagined.. The Spaniards never conquered the Island by battling with the natives.. Perhaps their ultimate strategy was to use our greatest weakness. (Status insecurity).. They set up a lot of small towns called "pueblo" (like Intramuros) and they invented some humiliating terms for those who never joined the community.. Did it work? MY FRIEND.. UNTIL NOW!!!!!!!!!

So who are these people who never joined????? The "Muslims" that we're still fighting with!!!! And other minority groups that we like to make fun of and look down upon.. Are we any better than them? The murder of Magellan has nothing to do with the fight for freedom!!!!!!! (Hah! What were you thinking?) When Magellan SUPPORTED the tribe of Mactan.. An-ex-kin and major enemy of Lapu-lapu.. Hence Lapu-lapu killed Magellan during the battle of two tribes.. SO PICTURE A SCENE where a teacher asks the class one sunny afternoon.. "Class.. Kelan sinakop ni Magellan ang Pilipinas????" ....

The class roar the answer like a chant repeated a thousand times... MARCH 17, 1521..............

Consider that a trick question.... For how can one find an answer to a question that should not exist? How could one or two ships possibly conquer an island when they were all tired of sailing for months.. Against thousands of people living within the island during the 16th century? This might be the biggest misconception ever!!!!!!!!

1588 The Last effort to stop the Spanish colonization was called the "Conspiracy of Tondo".. It failed when Legaspi ambushed all the people who conspired.. It was the day we now call.. "Manila Day"??????? Why do we celebrate a failure?

The Chinese ranked one of the lowest in the society during the 17th century.. Even the natives look down on them.. The Spaniards hated them for no reason.. Hard work and entrepreneurship placed them on top today!!!! So I will not be surprised if one day when the hard working Muslims that we ridiculed for selling fake DVDs and Rubber shoes be the next tycoon in our country.. Just like the Chinese did.. Mark my word!

I heard something on a small pocket show in a museum one time that said.. "We know where we came from.. And we know where we're going" Sadly.. That museum was not in the Philippines.. Ironically, we also have a popular saying synonymous with the mentioned quotation.. "Ang hindi marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, ay di maka rarating sa paroroonan".. Its clever to apply it in one's life but its wiser to apply as a nation..

Its sad to accept that history repeats itself because we only remember names and dates but we never learn from its lesson.

2006-06-02T07:56:00.000-07:00

WHY TIME MANAGEMENT AND EFFORT IS IMPORTANT

It is crucially important especially if you're spoiled rotten and your parents have never slapped you or screamed at you for failing any of your subjects or if they never get to go on a tour (even if they wanted to so badly) because you always end up doing something really stupid so it stops them from having their own fun or if you always get the most favor and support in the family and the most cash and the most attention and the most everything else even if you're so fucking pasaway.

Time management is important because it does a lot and it actually helps in making your parents dreams come true. Your parents who break their backs just so they could send you cash so you can eat good food, watch the latest movies, buy trendy clothes, have the latest gadgets, buy credits so you can call/text your "crush", or buy a pack of cigarettes and whatnot. Your parents who never wants to give up on you no matter how hopeless the situation is. Your parents who you hate because they have a lot to say and can be uncontrollably paranoid. Your parents who are willing to sacrifice just about anything, even their own happiness, just for you. The people who you complain about for being so hard to deal with even if they never complained for taking care of you for the past, say, 18-20 years of your life.. The same people who you hurt and take for granted because all they ever wanted was to see you succeed yet you never listen to what they have to say.

I hate myself for not being the best I can be just because I'm too lazy. For not being able to give my parents the simplest thing they'll ever ask for just because I dont know how to manage my time or I'm too lazy to make an effort. I dont deserve to be a spoiled brat but I still am inspite of the fact that I've done a lot of nasty shit to really disappoint them.

Jaime: Its not that bad..
Me: Yeah I know.. She's not mad actually. I just feel bad cuz I know deep inside, she's disappointed.
Jaime: Its ok. They all get disappointed at some point but you can always make them proud..
Me: I hope so.. Someday..
Jaime: Just balance everything!
Me: That's the problem.. I dont fucking know how! I still have to learn how to!
Jaime: It takes practice my young padawan.. Hahaha! It takes time..
Me: Give me tips naman!
Jaime: I cant cuz I'm just starting to learn how as well.. That's how now everything's working fine with my Mom.. Before, I didnt even have five minutes for her.. And I'd spend more time with my friends, that's why she'd get so pissed all the time. When I realized that all she wanted was someone to talk to at the end of the day and that's it. When we're done talking she allows me naman to go out again even if its really late..

I wanted to share that conversation so kids who are as ungrateful as I am can actually learn something from reading my blog. Parents really dont deserve to be treated like shit. I'm not saying that I treat mine like shit, but in a way I kinda do because sometimes I forget about them and their hard work and all I do is complain or do something really foolish and end up looking like the other kids that my parents told me to stay away from. Its so sad.

I wanna be good na!!!!! :(

Oh wait.. And lets not forget that REAL FRIENDS LET FRIENDS GRADUATE. That's a piece of advice I gave to my friend, Jaime when we were talking. Its true, isnt it? So stay away from "friends" who still force you to drink with them even when you've told them that you still have a lot of work to do!!!! I'm telling you!!!!!!!!!!!! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THESE SO-CALLED FRIENDS!!!! Hay.

Congrats! I've outdone myself again!

2006-06-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER

Not everyone in this world gets a lifetime of second chances. I am so blessed to have parents like my Mom and Dad because no matter how reckless I am with my life, they are always there to back me up and help me pick up the pieces.

God knows how debauched I can be sometimes and I'm just grateful that I still have people who love and accept me for the stupid ass that I am. No matter how retarded I can sometimes get. I remember crying hysterically after a break-up and my Mom called me right away. She didn't hang up until she knew I was ok and when I finally stopped crying my heart out. I loved how she tried to comfort me by not saying shit like "I told you so" or "Stop crying! This better not affect your studies or else.." That's gotta be one of the best memories I'll always be taking with me because everything she said was so reassuring that I wished I was a kid again just so I can be with her the whole time.

I've done pretty bad things to disappoint my parents and I know its stupid for me to say that I don't mean to, but sometimes I really don't mean to displease them. And sometimes I'd feel really bad whenever they start blaming themselves for how horrible I turned out to be. Like when they found out that I've been smoking, my Mom was like "Anak, san ako nagkulang?" (Where did I go wrong?)..

Last night she went shopping and then went to Zara and texted me. She knew that that was one of my favorite stores so she kept asking what size I was and which color I wanted, etc.. And I felt like I didn't deserve any pasalubong cuz I've been bad (it’s a long story) but then she said "Hon, don't be like that. No matter what happened, I will never feel bad for buying you things no matter how expensive they are because I want you to look and feel good." I wanted to go and shoot myself.

Isn't it so fuckin disrespectful of me to manage to upset my parents all the time when they give me everything I want and need even when all they want me to do is be able to graduate as soon as I can. I can't even give them that. And we can't argue about taking another course anymore cuz I told them I didn't want to shift. I wanted to take up something else before but I changed my mind after I realized which course is really gonna help me in the future.

I always thought that they were the ones who deprived me of doing what I really wanted. I wanted to do something else. I wanted to be somewhere else. I want I want I want. Everything was about what I wanted. Now I realized that it can't always be about me. I can't always think of what I want. I had to consider if what I wanted was good for me too.. Or if its gonna be good for me in the long run. I know it's lame that this little piece of brain that I have only recognized all of this now. Now after 4 years. Now that half from my batch in high school has already graduated while I'm still stuck in school.

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time.. But we all know that that's not possible so I guess the logical thing to do is forget the past and deal with the present. Because that's what really matters most anyhow. I'm not proud of the blunders I've made in the past but those mistakes brought me to where I am now. I can sulk and tell myself "If only I did this and that instead of doing this and that" the whole day or just think about all the good things that has happened to me along the way. Its no use to cry over spilled milk anyhoo, right? Right.

Anyway, my point is, if you have parents like mine and you're as wayward as I am or worse, it doesn't matter.. Just please be nice to your parents from now on because they do want what's best for you even if sometimes they can be really annoying and they keep nagging you.. Never ever ditch your family because at the end of the day, you really got no one else other than them. Blood is thicker than water. They are the only people who will stand by you through thick and thin.

My family may not be what you call "picture perfect".. We can be dysfunctional just like any other normal family but all I can say is, we still try to help each other out.. We try to make things work, no matter how hard it is. And even if sometimes I don't get what I want.. Still.. Having a family who is ever so loving, accepting and understanding such as mine makes me want to forget about all the fabulous things, material or not, in the world. I love my family.. So much. Not just because they keep spoiling me rotten but because they are always there for me no matter what happens. I will never ever trade them for anything else.

On that profound note, I'd also like to thank my second family.. The Vudays.. and the guys.. Thank you for accepting me without question. I will always remember the time we all got drunk and started talking about sentimental stuff and ended up crying. Hahaha. And to Zee, who is always there no matter how lazy his girlfriend is. :D (Oh hey that's me by the way hahaha) Zee will always be a big part of the better person I'm well on my way of becoming. I love you so much babe. Thank you for always making my life balanced and always trying to bring out the best in me. You never fail to make me feel that someone does know what it feels like. I love you to no end.

I could hear Lilo from the back of my head saying sumn like... "OHANA means family.. No one gets left behind... Or forgotten.."

Hahaha.. God I'm weird!

2006-05-31T23:50:00.000-07:00

MEN DISAPPOINT ME. sometimes.

I watched Tristan and Isolde on DVD last night and it was pretty good but a little disappointing. Why are the guys the first ones to die? I mean.. WHY DO THEY ALWAYS DIE?! Look at Romeo and Juliet.. Jack and Rose.. Achilles and Briseis.. Sonny and Cher! Even Jack and Jill for crying out loud!!! (Jack fell down and broke his crown..) What the hell?!

And they keep saying girls are weak?

Ugh. MEN.

2006-05-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

SHUNNED BY THE WORLD..

I'd wake up some days and wish I'd stay asleep..
Cuz I went to bed on top of the world,
Today the world's on top of me..

2006-05-22T09:55:00.000-07:00

SENTIMENTAL GUSH

WARNING: I've been watching a lot of chic flicks lately.

I stayed up all night last night watching TV and I got to watch a replay of Tom Cruise's famous interview with Oprah. The interview where he admitted to have fallen desperately in love with Katie Holmes (that bitch!) and where he shamelessly pranced around and hopped up and down on the set. It was really funny and he looked kinda stupid but I found it really fucking SWEET! I mean c'mon naw.. We all know that most of the time, guys find it difficult to express how they feel especially if its in front of other people (right, Jaime? Haha). So when I got to watch the interview again, putcha, kilig!

Maggie Q says, "Never ever, ever marry a guy who you love more than he loves you". How do you know if a guy loves you more than you love him? Sometimes it really is kinda hard to tell. I know some guys who you can really tell that they love their girlfriends so much because they practically do everything their girlfriend asks them to do and they follow them around like some freakin' stalker. The type of guy who buys you all sorts of extravagant gifts BUT are also the ones, for some strange reason, who are more capable of cheating. Well okay maybe its not right for me to generalize but I swear I know a lot of guys who are like that. Just when you thought you had him, that you're the one in control.. That's when they do the unthinkable. Its so disappointing.

Then there are the quiet ones, the laconic types, the seemingly maangas guys who arent that showy so if they fail to live up to your expectations, it doesnt hurt that much. Well at least not as much as compared to when they swore to you in all the different kinds of languages that they'd never leave, etsetera etsetera etsetera. You also appreciate it even more when they do something really romantic or whisper you something cheesy because you know that that sort of thing doesnt happen all the time.

Sometimes I make a mistake of wishing that my boyfriend would be a lot more showy or just allow himself to become vulnerable. I realized that I was wrong. Because I would then remember all the times that he would do things that would really make my jaw drop or even the simplest things like when he never forgets to hold my hand and pull me aside when we have to cross the street or how he doesnt try to argue with me when I want to watch a chic flick and he wants to watch something else.. When he apologizes even if we both know that it was my fault. How he tries his best to make me feel better even if the first thing I do when we meet is not to give him a kiss or a hug but complain about how tiring my day was. Sometimes he thinks I dont notice it and sometimes I admit to have taken him for granted. I bet that sometimes it happens to him too. And when it does, either one of us may be led into thinking that the other one probably loves the other one more. Haha. Gets ba? Ang labo ko na ba?

Then again sometimes.. Guys.. Or girls just dont realize what they've got till its gone. Sounds familiar? Hehe.. Sometimes all we need is a smack in the head and all of a sudden, everything's right again. *sigh*

You may perhaps still tell me that maybe it is true when they say that in a relationship, someone always ends up loving the other one more. Whether you're the guy or the girl, it doesnt really matter... When you really think about it.. "Just because a person doesnt love you the way you want them to, it doesnt mean that they dont love you with everything they have.."

Man, I really ought to stop watching chic flicks for a while. Haha..

2006-05-17T23:35:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SANDY! :)

She celebrated her 18th birthday last Tuesday with close friends at Zee's dorm.. It was great and we really had fun but it could have been better if Zee was also there. Its silly cuz after every laugh or crazy joke, someone/ one of us would always end up saying "Damn, I wish Zee was here too..".. It was really sweet knowing that I'm not the only person in the group who misses him so badly. It was all fun and games till the girls (Jaymie and Sandy) already fell asleep. I was the only girl left and I got to bond with the guys.. Man, there was a lot of drama.. And although they were teary-eyed and my eyes hurt from crying too much, it was really cool being able to share a conversation like that with the guys.

Anyway, everyone got smashed.. And of course when that happens, Jaime always ends up with funny pics or videos. Only this time, I'm the one who was caught on cam. He had pics lang. Haha.. I'd post his pics but there's no way I'm uploading my video cuz may natitira pa naman akong konting kahihiyan. Hahahaha. There goes another one for my wall of shame. Waaah!

Yeah! Basag! Haha..

Kiki and I.. Before I got smashed. Haha.

Jaime giving out his big speech..

And speaking of speech, we missed Zee most of all cuz of his profound speeches everytime there's an occasion. Haha. :P

Anyway.. Gonna get some more sleep.. Havent had a decent one during the past few days cuz of the exams tapos I got smashed pa right after.. Sarap matulog!

2006-05-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

IF GOD BRINGS YOU TO IT- HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT.

Sometimes we just need to be reminded!
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, heasked,"Who would like this $20 bill?"Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this". He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what have happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHAT WE ARE. You are special- Don't EVER forget it."

If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it can bring. Count your blessings, not your problems." And remember: amateurs built the ark ..professionals built the Titanic.

2006-05-14T03:33:00.000-07:00

Today is just wack.

I wish I never got up from bed. Jaime made me cry and it was really silly because I wasnt supposed to but I was just feeling really frustrated.

Maaaaaaaaaaaan.

kjlafjkfangweioakgja'loghoihea;o;jjajsngangkau~!

I miss my boyfriend so fucking much it hurts.

ktnxbye.

2006-05-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

TOM CRUISE IS A HOT DAD.

Its 8PM and I just woke up! Feels great to be able to get some sleep AT LAST! I got home from school kanina and I just collapsed on my bed. I havent slept yet cuz I went out yesterday to fix something and then went to the Powerplant Mall with a friend to watch MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 3! That movie is KICK ASS! I swear its the best M:I movie I've seen.. Tom Cruise is so hottttt! Hehe.. Then we went to a partayyyyy... Nobody knows I went there so Sheina if you're reading this..... Sssssshhhhh! Ok? :)

The party was held at the Holiday Inn and most of the people who got invited were regular party people from the La Embajada (in case you're wondering what or where that is, its Embassy lang. I was just being gay. Haha) and Prince of Jaipur. Siempre the birthday boy likes to party a lot so basically the birthday celebration was full of good-looking people, a lotta alak and really loud music. That is why I went home smashed. Its weird though cuz he held it on a Sunday night. But he said most of his friends werent free on Saturday so he just decided to celebrate it on a Sunday. Either way, it was really cool.. Happy Birthday, Jap! :)

I missed that kind of scene though but I miss something or rather, someone even more. Only problem is I havent heard from him in a week and its kinda depressing. But I'm sure he has a valid reason naman.. I mean.. He better have one. Hehe..

I promised Kiki we'd go clubbing this weekend but it didnt happen cuz someone ticked me off really good last Saturday. I dont wanna blog about it just yet but anyway.... Sorry Kiki! Next weekend nalang!

Ok gotta go.. I have 3 quizzes, one oral recitation and one oral revalida tomorrow.. So that means no sleeping tonite!!!! :(

2006-05-05T01:20:00.000-07:00

ZEE, COME HOME SOON.

I need you.

My Friendster horoscope for today:
"Every sight, sound and smell carries a clue today -- feed your senses, because they are your best source of information. A flirty exchange takes a turn (in a very good way) when eye contact strays a few beats too long. A fragrant gift announces its arrival and heads will turn in your direction. Don't be surprised if someone serenades you in a most original way. Charm is coming at you from everywhere, so open up and welcome it in!"

This must be true because I had 4 guys who asked me out today. 2 from my class and 2 guys from the past. I dont mean to come off as mayabang by blogging about this. I never really liked the attention unless I was single and unless the attention was from Z.

Blast from the past: Hey, where are you?
Honey: Makati.
Blast from the past: You with your bf?
Honey: No. He's in the States right now.
Blast from the past: Oh.. So you're single right now, huh? You free tonight?
Honey: NO!!!!!!!
Blast from the past: Kahit Starbucks lang..
Honey: I gotta go, bye.
*hangs up real quick before he could say anything else*

I made a HUGE MISTAKE of telling him my boyfriend isnt around right now.

I'm also so annoyed because the fucking cab drivers here suck. Nobody wanted to drive me to Makati because its ma-traffic daw! Puta! I needed to go there today so I could book a flight for my family who are going to San Francisco this June WITHOUT ME. They'll be staying here for a week before leaving for the States and being the family outcast that I am, I have to stay here and go to school instead..

Well I guess that's alright cuz Zee will be here by then.

Ok that's it. I'm done complaining.

2006-04-28T15:16:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAIME!

Please dont crucify me for posting this pic. You look hot anyway. I know Sandy would think so. Haha.

It was Jaime's birthday celebration last night but it sorta looked like Zee's despedida party cuz at 4AM, we all went to the airport to drop him off. He's gonna be in the States for two weeks and poor lil ol' me will be left here alone, thinking about him all the fucking time (*sniff*).. Well at least he'll be back. :)

I'm hoping he didn't forget anything and he gets there safe and sound. So babe if you're reading this, you better not forget to send me an email when you get there.

Anyway, I am never having Ouzo (a hard drink from Greece) ever again. That shit's a traitor. I was doing fine at first and it wasn't that strong but after a while, my world started to spin. I fell asleep on Zee tuloy. Jaime's celebration was cool.. His Mom's cooking was great and the cake was good too. There was a lot of shouting and laughing while playing cards and oh, there was also some drooling and bleeding, courtesy of Kiki. Hahaha.. Kiki, just in case you don't remember, you almost killed Jaime on his birthday with a lighter. Haha. We loved you though and it was great having TEATEA BEER with you. Nothing can beat our TEA CONVERSATIONS.

So..
If you're wondering why I haven't been updating this blog as much as I used to, its because I don't get that much time anymore and cuz my life got a little more complicated, a little more happier, so I don't really have time to blog nowadays. We all know that I only blog (most of the time) when I'm depressed (because blogging is my therapy) so lets just say I'm not that depressed anymore.. Either that, or I'm too depressed to blog. Hahaha.

I'm guessing Zee will have a lot more time to update his blog or make me tons of testimonials (ehem!) because he's got DSL back there and he's got nothing much to do. Then again he might be too busy playing RAN. *rolls eyes*

I'm missing you already, babe!!!!!! Huhuhuhuhuhuhu.. :(

It's past 6AM, I still feel like throwing up and I'm kinda tired.. Plus I don't wanna stay up and feel lonely cuz Zee's not here so I'm gonna try to get some rest now. Baboosh!

2006-04-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

I'M FREE!

So after being hospitalized for almost a week, I'm finally back home. Got discharged yesterday afternoon.. I'm all better but not really (hahahaha labo!).. I mean, my temp's back to normal now.. Fuckin' headache's GONE (thank God), back's A-OKAY.. Just that I cant walk without feeling a little dizzy but its aryt..

One thing's for sure.. After everything I went through, I AINT SMOKING EVER AGAIN!!!!! Not that it has anything to do with what happened to me but lets just say, two old ladies back in the hospital helped me a lot to kick the bad habit.

Bye bye yowsee!

Got nuin else to say except.. THE WEATHER SUCKS! It's making me feel sick all over again!

2006-04-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

i havent updated this shit in a while because i've been busy with what i call thewoethatismylife. yes thats right.. i actually have a life! so im sorry if some of y'all thought i was away or probably DEAD. as ive said some entries ago, i think i actually have outgrown blogging.

im just tired.
havent been getting enough sleep for the past two weeks.
my fucking head hurts a lot.
the blazing heat is so fucking irritating.

man, i could go on and write a list of the things id like to complain about but i dont want to be an infector! you'll know what im talking about if you've read the 48 laws of power.

right now.. all i really wanna do is get some goddamn sleep. i am so tired of having to walk around, chasing time and people lately. for now.. fuck you kayong lahat. pagod na ko, tsong!

to the people who ive been a bitch to lately, well im not gonna apologize cuz its probably your fault anyway and next time, dont mess with me! especially during the summer!

kthanksbye.

2006-03-30T06:54:00.000-08:00

tiEst0 in dA hAuz!

damn thas gonna be tomorrow nite.. and i wont be there. :( no ecstasy for me. JOKE LANG.

i cant even remember the last time i went clubbing.. it was definitely around mid november last year when i stopped partying and drinking too much. now i just drink occasionally. aww im such a good girl. :)

why am i even talking about this?!

im supposed to be a good girl now because im gonna try to fix my life. get rid of of excess baggage (i.e. walang kwentang vices, walang kwentang property, walang kwentang "friends"). because this might be my last chance to get it right and i have to really do my best. failure is not an option.

i've been going to school since monday and i've been seeing a lot of familiar faces. faces im not even sure i wanna see. wah! summer classes start on monday and im kind of excited. i miss the pressure. hahaha. im so sure im gonna take that back really soon. haha.

so what have i been up to besides crying? well.. i've been living in qc again these days so i've started listening to the radio again and been watching tv a lot. been talking to "friends" over the phone too. apparently, most of my "friends" here in qc are in deep shit. its either they're pregnant, or they fucked up their academics, or just caught their boyfriend cheating on them, or.. ALL OF THE ABOVE. im still glad my problem isnt as worse as theirs. you see? GOD still loves me. no matter how impossibly pasaway i am.

its a thursday night and there's no one to hang out with but my cousin and tita.. *sigh*

i got nuin else to share so..... ta-ta!

2006-03-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

MIND FUCK OF THE YEAR.

And I'm really hoping that this is the first and last mind fuck this year. Cuz I really cant handle any more. So I've decided on doing one thing. And that's to move on.. Maybe there are some things that you really cant change or influence and all you can do is just keep moving. Go with the flow.

But right now I'm scared shit of where to begin and what to say and what to do.. Heck I dont even KNOW where to begin.

The only thing that keeps me going right now is knowing I have a few special people who I can call on to and who understands..

Anyway.. I dont really know what else to say.. So.. Till next time.

P.S.
Isnt it so obvious that I'm depressed again? I've started blogging again..

2006-03-24T07:45:00.000-08:00

CROSSROADS.

There are some things in life you just keep fucking up no matter how hard you try or how better you wanna become. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right anymore but you never want to give up because you want to please the people around you. You wonder if you're being selfish because somehow you still keep thinking about what you want but then sometimes you think that you're being too hard on yourself and you're depriving yourself of something that you know you can do and you know you'll succeed in.

Now you might say that you don't really care about what other people might think or say about you but as a matter of fact, you do. You don't want them to think that you're incompetent or that you don't know what you want and it just doesn't help.

Sometimes you want to ask around and expect the people you care about so much to help you out but then.. You're on your own. Nobody else can really help you because this decision has to be made by you and you alone. Because sometimes asking for help and not really doing it on your own can fuck you up even more. Because it means you're not capable of making your own decisions and you're letting other people and what they think decide for you. So you go ahead and follow them so when you fail, you have someone else to blame.

So now that you have your chance.. Now that you're given another opportunity to change your destiny.. Even if you're uncertain of how its gonna turn out. All you really know is that this is a different path.. You're not sure how its gonna turn out in the end for you.. All you can carry with you is courage and of course the fact that this, is what you really want but never tried.. Are you gonna take it? Can you take that risk?

Or are you gonna go back.. And move on.. Try as hard as you can not to trip or fall.. And wonder.. What if.. What if I took that chance..

2006-03-07T07:59:00.000-08:00

GUNBOUND

I'm addicted to it. And so is Zee and our friends. A day is never complete without playing gunbound.

Anyways.. Just thought of updating this thing cuz I rarely have time to blog nowadays. I've been online almost everyday its just that I dont.. Well.. Lets just say I've outgrown blogging. :)

So.. Tata!

2006-03-01T07:09:00.000-08:00

DOTA.

Cuz I cant think of a title and the guys are playing it again. And I cant complain cuz its supposed to be a special day. Successful naman yun thesis defense ni Zee and Felson but he thought of telling everyone else that they got rejected so eto naman ako.. Nagpa-uto naman si gaga.. Hay nako. Yan tuloy. I'm stuck here with nothing to do while they play dota till dawn. Fack.

Anyway..

School sucks. Finals na.

I have nothing to say kase pakiramdam ko TAMAD NA TAMAD NA KO SA BUHAY KO.

Parang gusto ko nalang muna magpatiwakal ngayon. Pwede ba yon?

Shit I dont even know how to blog anymore. I dont update this thing as much as I used. I wonder why.

2006-02-24T06:46:00.000-08:00

SCREW THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT

SCREW GMA.
SCREW EDSA.
SCREW THE MEDIA!

Man.. I'm supposed to be somewhere else right now, doing something else, with someone else but instead I'm here in my room, online on a Friday night and its all because PGMA decided to overreact and declare a fucking STATE OF NATIONAL EMERGENCY!

What a dumb bitch.

And screw all those sentimental Filipinos rallying in EDSA every goddamn year, man. Ok, we appreciate what Ninoy did and what happened in EDSA but hello, you cant always go there everytime the current President doesnt satisfy you anymore. I mean... Fuck man! We change presidents like we change our underwear! Hello?! Kahit sino pa ang maging presidente ng Pilipinas, meron pa ding pandaraya at pangungurakot na mangyayari! Nyeta talaga ang mga Pilipino o.. Napaka stubborn!!!

And one more thing I hated about watching the news the whole day was looking at the rallyists and the powleez!!!! Police brutality to the highest degree!!! Ang yayabang ng mga tarantadong yun! They think they'll look all tough and shit just cuz they beat up people like that in front of the fucking camera! And the stupid rallyists naman, ang titigas ng ulo! Lintek!

MY POINT IS...

I am so fucking UPSET!!!!!

If it werent for all these motherfuckers......................... GAH!!!!

2006-02-15T07:55:00.000-08:00

VALENTINE'S DAY 2006

..is SO MUCH BETTER than Valentine's last year.

I'm kinda lazy to write everything in detail so I'll just post a few pics..

Mi Bebe gave me flowers.. :)

Sandy, Jaymie and I bought a cake and red wine for Jaime, Jisoo and Zee.. We placed it in the car's trunk and let them open it when we got to Tagaytay..

(Baby, smile!!!) Had dinner at Cliff House in Tagaytay with the other 2 couples..

I dont have the better pics cuz its in Jisoo's digicam pa.. But anyway.. I'll just post 'em in Friendster when I get a copy.

My say on Valentine's this year is.. It was great.. I got to spend it with the love of my life.. With good company.. I got to drive and park pa! Haha.. It was exhausting cuz Zee always ended up finding out about our plan so we kept on changing them.. But anyway, at least in the end, they appreciated what we did and we all had a great time together. :) It's our first time to have a group date and I hope we'll all still be together next Valentine's and the next after that.. And for all eternity. Hahaha.

Oh and last Monday.. I got to watch Jisoo's talent thing for the Mr. & Ms. Psych.

With Apple

With Arwa and Sandy

NICE CAMPUS. I WANT TO TRANSFER NEXT SEM!!!!

Ok thas it.. I'm really sleepy now.. Goodnite!

2006-02-13T06:55:00.000-08:00

BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE..

May I just brag about my boyfriend who COOKS for me now?... Hehehe..

Now how often do you find a guy like that? :) I just wanna say that the past few months has been great despite of some few setbacks from some girl *ehem* who lives near his dorm.. I've met almost everyone and so far they've all been nice to me.

Eating.
Late-night DVD marathons.
Bumming around.
Yoyos.
Dota.
Drinking sessions.
Eel.
Laugh trips.
Jackstone.
Arcade.
Hairstyling.
Walking to Jisoo's place.
EGG FIGHTER.
HELICOPTER.
WATCH OUT BEHIND YOU, HUNTER.

And a whole lot more..

Its been really fun. And its been really good being with him cuz I noticed that he's a lot more sweeter this time around..

Well anyway..

HAPPY VALENTINE'S (eve..hehe) to everyone..

2006-02-07T07:56:00.000-08:00

I'm not really in the mood to blog right now but I feel like I owe it an update cuz I've had so much fun last week..

There are a lot more but Zee has most of it and the ones I have in my phone are malabo.. Because my phone sucks. ;p

They surprised me with a cake and everybody sang for me.. In different languages! Haha.. It was like celebrating my birthday with the United Nations. :p There were a lot of laughing and we all had fun so thas what really matters. Pictures are just a bonus. Hehe.

Plus.. I got a really nice gift from Zee. THE 33 STRATEGIES OF WAR by Robert Greene.. YEY! I've been thinking of buying that but he got it for me first so... Thas really sweet. Hehe.. Now I have three books by Robert Greene. Just so everybody knows, I love his books because they help me a lot.. Especially in dealing with my worst enemy. MYSELF. Haha..

Guess thas it..

Oh check out my horoscope for today..

"Long-distance friends and lovers will be on your mind and in your heart. In fact, you may even be moved to get yourself dressed and hit the road. That will go double if you've got something to celebrate, which you probably have, since everyone in a position of authority over you is so darned happy with your work. Just don't forget that certain someone who'd like to join you. Oh, relax: Inviting them to go along isn't a marriage proposal."

Haha..

There is indeed a celebration today..
Happy 7th to my boyfriend and I.. :)

Its been three months since we got back together.. If there werent any distractions, it coulda been a year and seven months today but anyway.. What's important is we're back together again.. :)

Aww.... That was taken in Red Box, Greenbelt last Sunday.. Gawd I miss him already..

Thank you for letting me trash your place..
Thanks for everything.. :)
Love you!

2006-02-01T09:34:00.000-08:00

NOT-SO-HAPPY.

I was only happy for a while.. Like between the hours of 12am-4am when Tita and Sheina gave me their surprise and when we were getting drunk.. The rest of the day was just kinda screwed up cuz I felt really homesick and I kinda started acting bitchy on my boyfriend.. Which is retarded on my part because he didnt do anything to upset me. I guess it really is hormones this time.

But.... He managed to save the day. So tentenenen!

But this party stays 'to be continued' till the next time we meet cuz I still feel upset.

CANNOT WAIT TILL FRIDAY.

2006-01-31T04:56:00.000-08:00

HONEY.. SINCE 1986..

i have been living, laughing, crying, annoying other people, sharing, smiling, giving, taking, loving, hating and making my mom's life miserable for two decades now.. boy does time go by really fast.. just yesterday i was this little girl who loved chocolate cake and didnt seem to worry about anything else except who to vote for president of the barbie club (dont ask!). now.. im this crazy, unpredictable, completely out of control person who has no idea of where she's going to. i dont know if im a risk taker or just plain dumb. haha.. im 20 years old and i still dont know what to do with my life. WOW.

i wish i could brag about really good accomplishments that ive had for the past 20 years, like maybe being an honor student in highschool or being a dean's lister in college.. or maybe making it as a varsity player in my school or whatever! i dont have all that.. i didnt do shit.. i fucked up my academics.. im not into sports.. which pretty much makes me walang kwenta. haha..

BUT.

since its my birthday.. ill give myself some credit. somewhere between being a pain in the ass to my parents and being the family outcast.. somewhere between being such a snob or getting od'ed with whatnot.. ive made a lot of people happy. i think.. hahaha..

shit whatever! my head isnt functioning right now, i cant really think of anything nice to say but YOU KNOW WHAT! im just happy that im still here after all the shit ive been through for 20 years! i dont care what y'all say but I KICK ASS! i didnt go crazy, didnt cut myself or tried to kill all the mother fuckers who fucked me over! i still tried to be nice and tried hard to look on to the brighter side OK! and ALL THAT isnt as easy as you think it is! it aint easy to still have the courage to get up the next morning and convince yourself that its going to be a new day even after all the shiat youve just been through! but anyway, who cares, nobody knows what im talking about anyway so what the heck.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! IM 20 AND I KICK ASS!

CHEERS TO THAAAAAATTT!

bought a bottle of kurant to see if this shit is enough to get me pissed drunk on saturday. hahahaha.

2006-01-29T22:40:00.000-08:00

HORMONES OR REALITY?

I dont know if this is just some sort of hormonal imbalance cuz I have my monthly periods right now which is so ma-hassle or if its freakin' reality that I cant take.

I was watching NIP/TUCK yesterday and the episode was about cheating on their wives and girlfriends. I was so pissed off but I continued watching it anyway to see if I can find out any reasons on why men would even dare to do it. There was one part when he says sumn like "I needed something, and she gave it to me".. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT?! What the fuck is that something?! What did he need?! Someone younger? Prettier? Thinner? Hello, is it women's fault that age is fucking inevitable? Is it women's fault that they had to go through hell and back to give birth to your children, thus the weight gain, thus the stretchmarks, thus all that stress!!!!

Men like that dont deserve their dicks! They should have it cut off and replace it with a pussy! Ugh. Then there was this part when his son finds out about the stupid affair he's been having and he apologizes and says that he'll stop doing it because his family is the most important thing in his life. And then the next day, he goes out and does it again because he couldnt control his fucking libido. And guys tell us girls that we cant control our hormones? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

I watched CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2 last night with my Lola and cousin.. That family is so perfect inspite of their imperfections that when you come to think about it, That kind of family DOESNT EXIST. I dont know... I know its a comedy but I ended up crying at the end of the movie because it made me miss my Mom.

Anyway.... I'm turning 20 soon and my views on family and marriage is still the same. If someone proposes to me now, I'd still freak out and run away. Man, my birthday sucks.

The only thing that can make me feel better is knowing that I have the coolest boyfriend because he's also my best friend. I can talk to him about whatever and we're really great friends which makes us a really great couple.. :) There. At least I ended my entry with a smile..

2006-01-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

So she said what's the problem baby

What's the problem I dunno

Well maybe I'm in love

Love

Think about it

Every time I think about it

Cant stop thinking bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this

Just to cure it cuz I cant ignore it..

Wala lang.. Hahahaha.. I'm listening to the song and its all I can say right now cuz I got nuin ta saaaayyy!!!!

Havent been to the Gateway Mall in ages so I'll drop by tomorrow to check out some stuff and then... I dunno... I want to get my ears pierced. So maybe I will. I am so friggin' bored here!!!! My head is so tired of memorizing shit the whole day! AAArrrgh.

I'm turning 20 on Wednesday!!!! I WANNA CRY!!!! I WANNA BE 16 FOREVER!!!! Fack!

Nobody's getting a free beer unless they remember to greet me. HAHAHA.

2006-01-24T21:40:00.000-08:00

WORK!

I have one more week to go before I hit the big 2-0 and I have so much in mind right now. I'm back in the city again so I have a lotta shiat going on in my mind .. again.. I hate being at home but guess I have to deal with it cuz its where I live (like I have a choice).. If you ask me, I would wanna move to the condo in Cubao but my parents wouldnt let me live there alone.

Today it just hit me at how badly I ruined my life last year. I thought I was gonna get over it but then again, I guess you really CANT run away from your problems. You have to face them and start working so everything will be alright again. I dont even know where to begin and I'll have to work on a lot of things. I'll have to drop that bad habit of starting sumn new before I can even finish doing what I was doing. Plus the fact that I have a paranoid mind and I worry too much which only makes it harder for me to get my work done.

I look around in school and I see the people I've been hanging out with. I look at my phone and check the contacts I've been in touch with. THEY ARE ALL JUST WRONG FOR ME. I need to get rid of the things/people that keep distracting me. When I get home today, I want to get rid of all the clandestine bullshit I have and flush them down the toilet.

God... I'm turning 20. I need to set the shit aside so I can see clearly where I'll be heading before I drown myself in all that crap. I need to stop fucking things up. Man, I need to stop letting my problems get to me........ I always let them get to me thas why I always end up having more problems to think about.

Ok thas it.. Done with blabbing.. Getting back to work now.

2006-01-21T02:39:00.000-08:00

I AM LOSIN' MY MIIIIIIIIIND!!!!

I AM SO MAD!!!!

I WANNA GO OUUUUTTTTT!!!!! Was supposed to meet up with bf but he's busy so I called some friends but FAAAAACK.... They want me to come with them to hit up the clubs BUT they'll be having all these other chics with them and I dont really wanna be there, watching them flirt with each other.. They CANT go clubbing WITHOUT CHICS!!!! THEY ARE SOOOOO LAME!!!! How is it that my friends and I can go clubbing without bringing any guys along and guys CANT LIVE WITHOUT CHICS CONSTANTLY TRYNA FLIRT WITH THEM AND TELL 'EM HOW GOOD THEY LOOK OMG ALL THAT SELF GRATIFICATION!!!! ITS SO HARD HAVING FUCKIN NARCISSISTS FOR FRIENDS!

Ok, tell me that hanging out with a few friends at a bar without tryna flirt with anyone else and just tryna have some fun and have a cool conversation with ONLY your circle of friends isnt THAT uncool? I mean, come ON!!!! TELL ME THAT A BAR ISNT JUST SOME ENCLOSED ESTABLISHMENT WHERE YOU PICK UP SOME RANDOM CHIC LIKE YOU DO IN ERMITA!

The other set of friends that I have all want to PARTEE...... If y'know what I mean.. And I dont really wanna get myself into trouble. Dont wanna do anything that I'll regret later on so yeah, I'll pass.

My girfriends ARE ALL BUSY WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS! Whatever happened to LADIE'S NIGHT?!!!

There's this one really cool friend that I have and if only he didnt ask me out (as in told me he liked me) last week, I would hang out with him instead. But it just feels kinda weird and kinda wrong if I did that now.

I should really get a new set of friends.

I AM NOT SLEEPING TONITE!!!
NOT UNTIL I GET TO GO OUT!!!!

I AM SO SICK OF THIS APARTMENT.
I AM SO SICK OF MY ROOM!

2006-01-18T10:21:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEEEEINAAAA!
(BELATED)

its past 2am and im still up.. she's in my bed, drunk and snorring her ass off while im still here waiting for the right time to throw up.

was talking to a friend a while ago.. who the hell goes out and spends 1,600PhP and even takes his date home to her house and later on wonders about what her name was!!!!!!!!! watdapak! that was hilarious.

anywaaaaaaaaaayy.. my stomach.............

bye
im gonna puke now.

2006-01-15T06:49:00.000-08:00

FAMILY DAY (sort of)

Today was awesome. :)

I love having misadventures with Tita Nemz cuz she's always game and she's really fun to be with.. Except of course when she's PMS-ing. Haha..

So, we met up with Zee and Felson and we had a really cool time together.. It sorta felt like I was with family y'know?.. :)

I cant even begin to describe how much fun we had because there wasnt any minute that sumn funny or crazy happened to me and Tita. Even on our way home.. Haha..

I wish I coulda taken silly pictures of us together but I was having so much fun with them that I forgot all about taking pics.. Too bad.

Well anyway.. I'm really glad that Zee and Tita, two of the very few who are important to me, are getting along really well.. I've always wanted to hang out with the two of them and I'm glad that it finally happened. I only wish it coulda been longer but even then, today was still great. :)

2006-01-14T02:43:00.000-08:00

PARTY MODE ON HOLD.

Maybe forever.. But nah.. Just for a while. :)
Congratulate me cuz I finally got tired of it. The whole scene is almost all the same every night. The only thing different are the places, the lights, the people, and the drinks.

So I bailed out on all the night-out invitations during the past few days.. And during the weekend inspite of the free drinks. Cuz believe it or not.. I missed this kinda life. The quiet one.

Besides.. Who needs the free booze when you've got someone who gives you that 'natural high' already? :)

Have a great weekend, everybody..

2006-01-10T10:19:00.000-08:00

You know you've evolved when...

Whether it's a plant, an animal, a gorilla or a baboon, every breathing, living thing in this planet experience some form of change one way or another.

Some change for the better, some change for the worse.

In my case however, you'll know I evolved for the worse when I went from point A to point B effortlessly, with point B being this...... EXTRA-SEXY.

Point B..

Will you just look at all that...... EXTRA-SEXINESS???

Point A.. I WANT YOU BACK.

That picture.. Reminds me a lot about my 5-month life being such a BAD GIRL. Shit I dont even wanna remember. I dont even want anyone to go and read my archives so I hid them. I hate that girl now. But I still love her body. Haha. I dont want that girl back. I just want her body back. Hahaha.

Naw where did I put those pills..........

(I'm kidding)

Zee's gonna kill me. Hehe..

Guess what!!!! Its 3AM and I'm still up!!!!!!
On top of it all, I AM BROKE!

I went to Powerplant to have my IPOD updated and I was gonna go home but then this huge sign that read SALE caught my attention. God.

And I also bought new speakers for my PC cuz the old one is already busted. I cant live without music.
So.. Yes.
Right now.. I'm poor as a rat.

And its only been like, my 3rd day since I got back.... I seriously need to discipline myself. =(

2006-01-08T07:48:00.000-08:00

WOW.

I am so unbelievably tired. I didnt get much sleep last night cuz.. I dunno... I couldnt go to sleep and I still have jetlag but today was great.. Zee and I watched NARNIA in ATC and it was really nice. How can it not be when you have someone you can bite while watching a movie? Hehehe.

I'm kinda pissed though cuz my IPOD is busted and I cant make it work. I'm too tired to find out what the hell is wrong with it so I'll deal with it tomorrow.

I just wanted to blog about today cuz its a special day.

K... Gonna go sleep now. Prolly wake up at 5PM tomorrow. Haha.

2006-01-07T05:03:00.000-08:00

No doubt that I'm back in the third world.

-My skin is now back to its sweaty and moist glory; I don't even have to do anything, no movement whatsoever, to sweat like a rapist. Gone are the days where I have to apply industrial-strength grease to my elbows, knees, and feet to prevent them from drying..-

My flight was aryt even if I cried half the time. Marco and I dropped off Hervey after they picked me up at the airport and then we headed to the Gateway Mall to pick up a few stuff and have dinner at Teriyaki Boy.

I got myself Robert Greene's THE ART OF SEDUCTION. Nyahahaha. :)

I havent even been here for a whole day and I've already spent a few thousand pesos. Sira ulo ka talaga, Honey.

Anyway.. I just finished cleaning my room so Imma start unpacking now..

Its good to be back in the land of the brown. ;p

But..... I miss my family.

2006-01-04T14:05:00.000-08:00

SHOOT ME.

Its past 2AM and I'm watching Jerry Springer.. The topic is "THREESOMES WITH MOM".. And.. This one girl's mom just flashed her ~~titties~~ sagging, disgusting breasts in front of the audience. They call her out (the daughter) and she comes out and does the same thing and everybody just goes BOOOO while both mom and daughter defend themselves by saying "We're sexy! You know you want it!".. Soooo... Right now.. They're arguing with the daughter's boyfriend cuz he doesnt have any idea that all this shit was happenin'.. Mom's boyfriend also comes out and starts feelin'.. And makin' out with Mom and Daughter.. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LUCKY YOU ALL ARE THAT YOU'RE NOT WATCHING ALL THIS. This ain't right.. I've seen people show just how fucked up they are in front of two, three, four people.. But in front of national television????.. Fack.

How fucked up is the world today?...

And just how pathetic am I right now? Watching this bullcrap at 2 friggin' AM. Missin' my partnah. Wanting a beer. Wanting to go out.
I AM SOOOOOOO SAD.

Where's my partner... SAVE ME.

2006-01-03T04:02:00.000-08:00

DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS.

There are no words to describe how awful I feel today.

There are just some things you cant talk about in your blog.

Half of me is worried about leaving my family but there's a big part of me that wants to get the hell out of here and get drunk as phuck and buy packs of cancer sticks while listening to really loud music as soon as I get back to P.I.

I cant wait to do all that when I get back. I wanna get drunk till I go blind.

Diane's coming back from the states on the second week so I'll wait till she gets back before I party because a party's not a party without her... I've been thinking of what I wanna do on my birthday.. I'll just prolly go out with Zee or if I feel generous and happy and nice and.. Well in short, if I'm not in a bad mood, Imma go clubbing with him and some close friends. Prolly in Greenbelt.. Or better yet, in da Embajada.. Because I'm kinda tired of Absinth. Malate is definitely NOT THE PLACE TO BE after what happened to me last October.. We all know what that is and I dont really wanna be talking bout that kinda shit again ever in my blog.

So.... This is what keeps me going for now. The thought of seeing Zee again and.. Being able to GO OUT and chillax.

I also cant wait to get a haircut. My hair is SO BORING.

So anyway.. I have 20dinars left and I'm going to Salmiyah with Bernard tomorrow to pick up some stuff for some friends. This is the problem when you have a lotta friends.. You end up spending more cash on them. Not that I'm complaining. :P

OK WHATEVER. I'M STILL PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSED. Ugh.

I'M SO PISSED I WANT TO ~~CUT MYSELF~~ GO SHOPPING RIGHT NOW! AS IN NOW!
I'M PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

____________________________________
What did u do in 2005 that you'd never done
before?
-- THERE WERE LOTS!!!!!!!!!!!

2. Did anyone close to you give birth?
-- NOPE..

3. What would you like to have in 2006 that you
lacked in 2005?
-- UHMM... DISCIPLINE? I'VE ALWAYS LACKED THAT ANYWAY!

4. What date from from 2005 will remain etched
upon
your memory and why?
-- NOVEMBER 22 2005.. BECAUSE.. I GOT MY MOST AWESOME CHRISTMAS GIFT EARLY THAT DAY.

5. What was your biggest achievement of the
year?
-- MAKING IT TO SCHOOL ON A DAILY BASIS.

6. What was your biggest failure?
-- YOU DONT WANNA KNOW....... AND I DONT WANNA REMEMBER.

7. Did you suffer illness or injury?
-- ILLNESS YEAH.. AND INJURY.. HELL YEAH.

8. What was the best thing you bought?
-- BOOKS.. AND PARTY CLOTHES.

9. Whose behavior made you apalled and
depressed?
-- OH........ UHMMM..... I FORGOT?

10. Where did most of your money go?
-- FOOD TRIPS WITH FRIENDS.. STARBUCKS.. CREDITS.. ALCOHOL.. CANCER STICKS.

11. What did you get really really really excited
about?
-- ABSINTH NIGHTS. WEDNESDAY NIGHTS AT DECADES.

12. What songs will remind you of 2005?
-- EVER AFTER BY BONNIE BAILEY.. BECAUSE I HEAR IT IN CLUBS ALL.THE.TIME.

13. Compared to this time last year, are you?
a. happier or sadder? HAPPIER..
b. thinner or fatter? DEFINITELY FATTER!
c. richer or poorer? I'M ALWAYS POORER BECAUSE I SPEND MY ALLOWANCE IN A DAY. I'M A FUCKN ONE DAY MILLIONAIRE.

14. What do you wish you'd done more?
-- I WISH I WAS MORE SOBER.

15. What do you wish you'd done less of?
-- PARTY AND GET DRUNK.

16. How many one-night stand?
-- WHAT THE..

17. What was your favorite TV Program?
-- I DIDNT HAVE TIME TO WATCH TV.

18. What was the best book you read?
-- THE 48 LAWS OF POWER

19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
-- TRANCE

20. What did you want and get?
-- A CELLPHONE (THAT I EVENTUALLY LOST SOMEWHERE IN MAKATI).. AND AN IPOD (WHICH IS FORTUNATELY, STILL WITH ME).

****

22. What kept you sane?
-- FRIENDS AND ALCOHOL.

23. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy
the
most?
-- RICHARD GUTIERREZ. HAHAHA

24. Who was the best new person you met?
-- SYD :)

25. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2005.
-- I LEARNED THAT... TOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING IS BAD. HAHAHA.

26. Do you have a new year's resolution for 2006?
-- NONE.. CUZ I END UP NOT DOING THEM ANYWAY.

27. What was your favorite month of 2005?
- UHM... BER MONTHS. CUZ THAS WHEN I STARTED HANGIN OUT A LOT WITH THE MED TECH FUCK UPS AND GOT MYSELF A LIL FUCKED UP TOO.. BOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

28. If you could go back in time to any moment of
2005 and change something, what would it be?
-- THE TIME WHEN I WASTED TOO MUCH TIME SULKING INSIDE MY ROOM.

29. How are you diff now that the year has ended?
-- UNFORTUNATELY.... IM STILL A BITCH LIKE I WAS LAST YEAR.

30. wishes for the new year?
-- HAPPINESS AND MORE ALCOHOL TO COME!

2006-01-02T15:53:00.000-08:00

BLAH BLAH BLAH

So its past 3AM and I'm the only one awake..

Today, I picked up a few stuff for some friends and they're really nice, I'm actually thinking if I wanna give it to them as pasalubong or I'll just keep them for myself. HAHAHA. What a bitch. Daaaaaaaang. I've outdone myself again.. I've spent too much cash again.. But I guess its ok.. So anyway, went and helped Mom do the groceries then I completely forgot about the stuff I left at the counter so ended up going back to get it at around 12MN. It was fun though cuz my Dad let me drive. Haha. He figured it was ok cuz there werent any check points anyway and if there was.. I'd just have to pull a TooFastTooFurious act. Haha.

But yeah.. Fortunately.. We got home alive. Hehe.

So anyway.. Later.. I'll be goin out again to buy a few more stuff and then have the IPOD fixed cuz I am not leaving this country without it. But before that.. Imma go get some sleep.

I'll be back in the l'exotique land of the brown in a few more days.. Cant wait.

2005-12-31T06:03:00.000-08:00

LET'S BID ADIEU TO 2005 AND WELCOME IN 2006!

*Whew!* What a year!

So ok lessee what I've done this year..

SURVIVED THE MOST DEPRESSING BREAK-UP EVER! Hahahaha.
Uhmm.. Partied waaaayyy too much.
Made out with a girl. HAHAHAHA.
Dated a lotta jerks and taught each and every one of them a lesson. :)
Tried this and that.
Learned how to rely on myself.......

Oh yeah.. 2005 was pretty fucked up. Haha. It was pretty much full of it. But it taught me a lot.. Most importantly, it made me stronger.

This year..

I learned that I didnt need anyone, not a friend, not a boyfriend to make me realize that I am special. Sure, there may be people around you who knows how to appreciate you but in the end.. Its really all up to you. Its true. Sometimes.. There really is NO ONE who can help you out but yourself.

I learned that sometimes.. Those who appear to be strong are the ones who actually need help and those who appear to be weak, they're the ones who are actually a lot more stronger. Thas IF they're smart enough to realize that. Hehe.
Sometimes.. Anger DOES help you survive.. But most times, it just clouds your judgement. So when you're angry, just shut up. Or if you feel like a word vomit is about to come on.. Before you start sayin' anything stupid, just walk out and try to relax.

One of the hardest things I've had to deal with this year was to learn how to be patient. Everybody knows how impatient I am, but this year, I went through a lot and I was just COMPELLED to be a lil more patient. Sometimes, it helps when you just take things slow and let things fall into place. This year, I learned how to HOPE.. How to have FAITH instead of EXPECTING. "When you expect, you only get disappointed.. When you hope, you invite surprises"..

Oh and.. WEIGHT IS NEVER AN ISSUE. Until you make it an issue. Hahahaha. I've gained, lost, gained back, lost and gained weight all throughout the year but nothing really changed. People will love you, guys will continue lining up for you, and you can be as fashionable as you want if you just be yourself and be a lil more confident. I cant believe I'm saying this but yah.. Its true. :)

The best thing I learned about this year was how and what its like to really LOVE someone.

Love is.. Its just.. UNDENIABLE.
No matter how hard you try to deny it.. At the end of the day, you just cant fool yourself. So its better to just give in and accept it rather than denying it.

It is UNCONDITIONAL.
No matter how much the other person has hurt you.. Or how he/she let you down.. If you really, TRULY love a person.. You will learn how to forgive because someday, you might be the one who needs to be forgiven. Your love will be able to surpass all the hurt.. All the pride.. Because thas how great true love is. Thas how everybody should love. No conditions. No limits. Not unless your other half beats you up!!!!! Of course you have to get rid of that dickwad as soon as possible!

And most of all.. Love is about making sacrifices.
Its like.. Being happy for someone even if it hurts you so much. Or.. Prolly.. Swallowing all your pride just to be able to compromise. I mean.. Doing anything that you wont normally or prolly will NEVER do unless its for someone you really value.

Yeah yeah.. I know its mushy.. But its fo' real! Hehehe.

Somebody important to me told me that his new year isnt complete without me. Whether its just sweet talk or not, I feel the same way.. Thas why I cant wait to get back and be able to start my new year with him. Once I do.. I know I'll be ready for all the shiat thas waitin ta happen to me this 2006.

I know I've said I'm a lot stronger but I'm just human and I get weak too. Its another new year.. I'm pretty sure there will be new challenges and I'm kinda scared cuz I dunno if I can take them.. But.. Well.. I learned thas its always good to HOPE. So.. I hope I get through all of them just fine. Because I believe in myself......... And.. I've already gone through a lot in life.. Now's not the time to turn my back and get scared. :)

So.. 2006.. I'M READY FOR YOU.

BRING IT ON, B-EECH!!!!!!

HAVE A GREAT 2006, MINIONS!!!

2005-12-29T13:06:00.000-08:00

I have the coolest friend ever.

I got an IPOD shuffle for New Year.

;)

How many friends do you have who's actually gonna take your jokes seriously like that? I was just joshing when I said I wanted an IPOD Nano but an IPOD Shuffle will also do. Hahaha. He was ready to leave the party and take me out to get the IPOD but I refused so he just gave me the money so I can buy it myself tomorrow. I'm really tempted to just spend the money on other things but this is gonna be the second time that someone wants to buy me an IPOD so I'm just gonna give in and buy it already.

I really dont have much to say.. I didn't have such a fab day and I just wanna sleep it off. But hey at least, I got a nice gift.

I might go to the Entertainment City on Saturday but I'm not sure.. Because I HAVE NO CASH LEFT.

Its too bad cuz I really wanna buy those cute girly boxers and soccer socks from TopShop but I don't have any more money left. :( I hope I can convince my Mom to pick up a few stuff for me and pay for it when we go out. ;p

I am so careless. I bought a pair of white rubber shoes and I soiled them already today. Darn it.

By the way.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUYA JOEY. :)

And..

I wonder how my sidekick is doing. He really should move out.. That place is bad luck. I mean.. Too many shitty things has happened in that place and he really should find someplace else he could move in to. Like.. Somewhere in Manila. Hahahaha. ;p

I MISS EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Awww I cant wait to watch the new movies when I get back!!! I saw the preview of Pirates of the Carribean 2 today at the salon and I'm dying to see it!

2005-12-27T07:25:00.000-08:00

I had so much fun with my friend, Essra today.. We havent seen each other in 8 years and its the first time we met up again today.. She and her best friend, Salah picked me up this morning and we had breakfast in Starbucks then headed to the city to get cash from her brother. Haha.. Then we went underwear shopping in TopShop and had lunch. It was really cool although it was kinda weird having to shop around with a guy (Salah) but he was cool with it and he's really nice. We also picked up one her girlfriends, Bashayer and we went to Salah's place. Gawd his friggin' bedroom is bigger than our living room. Hahaha. Sheesh.. These Kuwaitis are so goddamn rich.

There was a lot to tell.. A lot to talk about.. A lot to find out and I just cant wait to go out with her again. She's so much fun to be with. She's not like all the other Kuwaitis who are so conservative, she's really open-minded and I wish we had more time.. She said she'd try to visit me next summer and I cant wait to take her to places.. Salah's already been to the Phil and he stayed there for three months.. Mostly in Boracay.. He's a really cool guy. I'd post more pics but I'm too lazy to upload all of them right now so I'll do that next time..

Man, she is so lucky.. I mean.. THEY are all so lucky.. These Kuwaiti kids get their own allowance from their Dad's company, whatever, so they have enough money for everything. Like, they can travel anytime they want to. Essra and their friends, they travel every summer and go to different countries. I wish I could do that too.. That'd be really cool.. She was supposed to go to London and study college there but her Mom's sorta like my Mom, who is too paranoid to let me go. :( Speaking of my Mom, we had this heart-to-heart talk last night that lasted till 3AM and she made me cry.. MAN. Well at least I had the chance to tell her some things that I've always wanted to tell her.

ANYWAYS.. I'm glad I have someone to hang out with from now on.. :) And I cant wait to see her again tomorrow.. There's actually gonna be a party and you will not believe how cool that party is gonna be.. It's gonna be one of the Amir's party and I'm gonna be there! Some people might find it not-that-cool but if you knew what goes on in those kinds of party.. You'd definitely wanna go too. :) AAAAHHHH! Cant wait!!!!

I miss my sidekick though. :(

2005-12-25T11:50:00.000-08:00

SANTA MUSTA BEEN EXTRA NICE TO ME

Cuz even if I was extra naughty most of the time this year, with all the trouble I got myself into, he still gave me an awesome gift for Christmas. Everyone's gonna find out sooner or later anyway and since Zee just started to go all out about it in his blog.. Here's the gift I was talking about..

Most people/friends wouldnt understand.. Some have even asked me WHY or HOW or SINCE WHEN but.. I cant really answer all of that and expect you to understand everything all at once. Maybe in time, people will get used to it and stop asking me questions. The most important thing anyway is we're back together and we're tryna catch up with where we left off. We're happy.. And we're back in business.. :)

Its a season of giving and forgiving.. Everyone should learn how to let go of their grudges.. Everyone should learn how to forgive. I've always believed that the ones who know how to forgive are the strongest people alive. Forgiving isnt easy as it seems but.. All you really have to do is think.. And tell yourself that like most people, you're not perfect. One day, you're gonna hurt other people too whether you like it or not and you're gonna ask for their forgiveness. So.. You get my point. If you dont.. You'll just have to figure it out yourself. Hehe..

ITS A TIME OF YEAR WHEN GOOD FRIENDS ARE NEAR..

I dont really have most of the good ones near right now but some of them are here and I met up with them last week..

Its been really cool to have the chance to visit Highschool again and meet my old teachers, schoolmates and other classmates who are here to spend the holidays with their family.

Fahad, Dimple, Basil, Mario and I were chosen to be the judges for the dancing and singing competition during the Christmas program and it was really cool. :) My sister, along with her other classmates danced to "My Humps" and they got second place. Hehe.

K... So here are some pictures with some of my old schoolmates and my highschool classmates.. :) Basil and Mario looks totally gay for each other on the first pic and I've no idea what's that about but anyway.. ;p

And then there's another pic with the brothas.. :)

And another one with Bernard and 3/4 of Basil.. :p

I was supposed to hang out with Ivy today but it started raining.. And its really cold outside. Its been raining for the past 3 days and you'll feel like you're gonna get sick once you step outside. Anyways.. I guess thas it for today.. Nuin much happened.. I was just home with my family.. Ate a lot.. Watched tv.. Played with my sis and Angelo. Yep.. Boring, huh?

Anyway.. Once again, MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone. :)

2005-12-24T09:10:00.000-08:00

HAPPY HANNUKAH EVERYBODY!

Its Christmas eve.. I love my Kuya so much cuz he gave me cash so I can go shopping. Hehe.. Well, he wanted me to choose between an Ipod Nano and the shopping money.. Yeah I know the Ipod Nano is so much cooler but I can get that on my birthday so I chose the shopping money instead. So yeah... Went to ZARA and spent it all! Harhar.. Hey I think I'm kinda getting bored with MANGO. Its the first time I went there and didnt find anything nice enough to buy.. OK whatever. Its Christmas, I should be talking about other important things than myself. But.. Too bad.. I cant think of any right now. Hehe.

So.. Yeah.. We'll be leaving the house in a while to spend Christmas eve at my Mom's best friend's place.. I really miss the people back home.. Especially my trusty sidekick. :)

I'm so bad cuz I didn't go to church today. Its Christmas and I didn't go to church!!! But guess what Marvin has to say about it..

MARVIN'S NUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE. Hahahaha.

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car."

He has a point but it still coulda been better if I had the chance to go to mass..

Anyway whatever.. MERRY CHRISTMAS, minions!!!

See y'all soon..

2005-12-19T23:01:00.000-08:00

I'M HERE!

My flight was delayed so we checked in at the Heritage Hotel.. Everyone else was on the 4th floor, sharing their rooms with 3 other passegers but because I was such a brat, they let me stay at the Executive suite on the 7th floor. Haha.. It was cool cuz it was real spacious (duh!) and I didnt hafta deal with sharing all that space with a complete stranger. It was really cool staying there and yeah I'm bragging about it because I don't get to check in to a hotel all by myself everyday without paying 11k per day. But I got bored eventually and I kinda needed load so I invited Kuya Joey over. Hehe.

My plane took off at around 6AM, Friday morning and I got here at around 1PM. Nagpasaway ako sa eroplano and switched on my phone to take this photo.

So anyway.. Now I'm "home".. Its nice to see my family again and as expected, my Mom went crazy on me because I've gained weight again. Thas normal though.. I hear that from her everytime we see each other and its like music to my ears now. Hahaha..

I'm his temporary babysitter by the way.. And its cool.. This baby's cool.. He gave me a lotta bite marks. Hehe. Oh say thank you Shushu for the gift.. "THANK YOU SHUSHU!" Hehehe..

Thas pretty much it for now, minions.. Y'all know my life here isnt as 'interesting' or controversial as my life back home.

2005-12-15T10:35:00.000-08:00

EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE..

Yep.. Give it a lil more time.. And soon.. Everything will be back to normal..

I edited my Friendster profile and made it accesible to FIRST DEGREE friends ONLY. Apparently, some people are dumb enough to dislike me yet check out my profile and start complaining. Thas not my blog for pete's sake.

Anyway.. Its 4AM and I just finished packing.. Well, not really cuz I still have to buy some things when I wake up later before I can seal the box. If there's time.. Imma pay my Lola a visit. Marco's gonna pick me up at 7pm cuz my check-in time is at 8pm.. I wish my boyfriend could be there too but I guess its cool cuz its only gonna make my cry more. *pouts*

I'm not really too excited to leave but there's nuin I can do about it.. Well at least I'll see my family, right? Right.. So anyway.. You guys take care while I'm not around and.. Behave yourselves. Hehe.

K.. Gotta try to get some sleep.. Hafta go to school in a while to get my papers and say g'bye to friends..

Damn.. I'm gonna miss my toothbrush. *ehem*

2005-12-13T21:04:00.000-08:00

THIS.HAS.GOT.TO.STOP.

I went to get my plane ticket this morning and then went to Starbucks to talk to a soon-to-be Psychologist friend. I wanted someone to talk to and help me calm down. I still felt furious this morning especially after my Mom woke me up at 6AM and started screaming her head off at me for not being able to get my ticket yesterday. I'll be leaving Thursday night, my flight's at 11:15P.M. and I'm not really that happy anymore to leave.

I hate myself right now for being so impulsive all.the.time. In spending, in getting pissed off, in everything. It always gets me into trouble in the end. Its either that or I end up having a lot of regrets. I'm blogging because this is my therapy, its how I let it out and because I want to be able to read this again in case I start to lose my grip and start doing sumn really stupid.

I knew from the moment I walked out of that place that I made a mistake of throwing a bitch fit like that. Its just that, people have to forgive and understand me for acting like that because its just an initial reaction coming from a really pissed off, really tired person like me. I blacked out and completely lost control of myself.. I got outta there and started shaking cuz I couldn't believe I did sumn like that. It might seem like an act of bravery to others, but in reality, it was just kinda cheap.

I also know that I made a mistake of letting that person get on my nerves because if it happened to me, I would most probably defend a family member too. I just got pissed with the way I was insulted and the way that person claimed to be 'civilized' and yet brag about being a New Yorker and getting a Harvard education. Everybody knows that I'm not gonna allow anyone to treat me like that.

Only three things happen when I run out of patience and get really, really mad.
a) Either I don't say a word and just walk out
b) I black out and don't say a word and just start to pounce on you
c) Or I start to yap and talk shit until I run out of breath
Needless to say, neither of the three has done me any good.

Which is why I want to try really hard to change this bad attitude. Why do I have to be boastful and start a fight when I can just shut the fuck up because I'm the one who's sane and I know better not to mess with insane people? Maybe its pride? I'm too proud of myself. Damn. I keep on talking about shit about other people when I myself am full of it. Shame on me......

Sometimes its hard for other people to admit to their mistakes but I want to do this because I want to be a better person. I cant and I dont want to grow old with this kind of mentality. This is not sumn that I want to teach my children in the future. I guess a person's childhood has a lot to do with how or what kind of person he/she is right now. I was always a fighter because terrible things happened to me in the past and I just told myself that I'm never gonna let anyone fuck with me. It stuck to my mind and its difficult to take it off now that I'm older. But I guess its never too late to change.

I have to learn to think 10times before I do or say anything from now on.

I got this email from Maky about how to control your emotions when you're angry.

1. The first one to get angry is the one who has the right to be angry. If he/she gets angry first, just shut your mouth.

2. There is no person in the world who fights by himself. If you dont fight back, he/she will eventually stop fighting with you.

3. A person who is angry is DEAF. If someone is angry, he's not gonna listen to anything so dont try to explain and fight back. He's not gonna try to understand you because he can't hear anything else but himself.

4. A person who is angry is ABNORMAL (a.k.a. ABNOY in Tagalog slang). According to a pastor, this is actually biblical. The Lord said when He was crucified, "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they're doing". Modern term for these kinds of people are ABNOYS so you better not get angry if you dont want to be called ABNOY.

You should also realize that the persons who make your day bad are jewel, because you need them for you to be mature. As long as they are out there and pissing you off, it means that you're still immature. God will not take away those people; its for you to take away your bad feelings towards them. You'll know you're mature when you're not pissed off at them anymore because you have learned to accept them and have patience with them.

5. Finally, the best part of this is to tell yourself that "because of this person, I WILL GROW MATURE" and because of his contribution to your maturity, KUKUNIN DIN SYA NI LORD.

That just made a lotta sense, right?

You see, I dont need to get a Harvard education to figure that out. I just have to clear my mind and chill. According to Sun Tzu, A famous military strategist and historian, ANGER CLOUDS YOUR JUDGEMENT. It makes you act on impulse and it only shows your weakness. Yeah, I learned that by reading The 48 Laws Of Power too. Its about time I actually made use of what I've read from all those books.

Ultimate excellence lies
not in winning
every battle.
But in defeating the enemy
without ever fighting.
-Sun Tzu

God I gotta finish reading that book.

Anyway.. Thanks to a friend who helped clear my mind and knocked some sense into me. He's right. I shouldn't be worried because I have someone who already stood up for me and have been there to understand and be patient with me in spite of all the stupid, irrational things I've been doing. I'm sorry and Thank you. You know who you are.

2005-12-12T04:10:00.000-08:00

OH LOOKIE!

At my horoscope for today..

A single, tiny change can create a domino effect and transform your whole life.

Being independent is all well and good, but sometimes you want the coziness and comfort of being in a group of likeminded independent types. Luckily you've got a bunch of eccentric kindred spirits you can convene when you're a little bored and desire a little company. Telling funny stories about seasons past, adding to the joy that is the present and looking together to the fun of the future sounds just about right.

Thas just great cuz I met three nice girls recently and they're really fun to be with. So yeah.. Maybe making my voice a lil louder and being a mean bitch is the single, tiny change I made that 'created a domino effect and could possibly transform my whole life'. Hehe.

I just wanna say.. That the past week has been great and its sort of an early Christmas present and I'm really happy..

There are no words to describe how pleased I am with the way things are going right now.. There may be a few humps up ahead but I'm cool with it as long as I have my trusty sidekick with me. :) No words to describe how I feel..

No words..

Which is why I'm logging off now. ;p

2005-12-09T09:47:00.000-08:00

OD'ed

Not. Hehe. I wish.

Anyway.. It's 2AM and I'm still up as usual.. I'm not really sure if I wanna sleep tonight. I feel like there's so much to fix in my room. It's a mess. But then again.. I feel kinda dizzy.. Maybe I'll end up falling asleep later on. Hehe.

I've been doing a lot of thinking today.. The year ends in a few more weeks.. Wow. Time flies, huh?.. So much happened to me this year. Met a lot of new people.. Lost touch with a lot of people.. Reunited with a lot of people.. Cried a lot.. Laughed a lot.. Fucked up a lot. Hahahaha. Daym.. There's still one problem I hafta be able to fix next year when I get back. I am so totally screwed up but whatever. I'll get through it. I mean, I have to. So anyway...

I could say that this year has been a year full of wonderful lessons. But I don't really know.. Maybe next year will be a lot worse. All I know is, I'll still be right here.. Tyrna hold on to sanity. Hopefully I won't end up wasting away or cutting myself or anything. Well maybe a few punches on the wall is ok. Hehehe..

Oh man.. I'll be leaving on Thursday. I won't be able to smoke for a month. Ouch. Well at least, clean living ako for a month. Haha.

God my room's a mess.

2005-12-08T02:19:00.000-08:00

SEVEN THINGS

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. bungee jump.. hehehe..
2. paris :)
3. lose weight. hahahaha.
4. improve my posture
5. buy a house for my parents
6. raise children
7. find meaning

Seven things you can do:
1. talk shit
2. talk about myself
3. make people laugh
4. make people angry
5. out-spend my parents, and siblings combined
6. change groups on a regular basis
7. make you hate me just as quickly as i made you fall in love with me

Seven things you can't do:
1. make me do sumn i dont wanna do
2. learn
3. be patient
4. forget
5. smile for the love of god
6. lie about what i feel
7. stop spending

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1. taboo
2. confusion
3. pain
4. frustration
5. attention
6. struggle
7. inspiration

2005-12-06T09:12:00.000-08:00

STEEP

Softly.. Gently,
I will let you down..
Cause I don't love you in the same way now..
I can hold you, but not with lover's arms..
Cause you are more of a brother to me now..

And I can lie next to you,
but I can't lie to you..
So walk into the sun and watch me..
Run into the rain..
For you the future's easy,
so don't weep, for me it's getting Steep..

I loved you for exactly who you are..
And I'd say you've come the nearest yet by far..

And I can lie next to you..
But I can't lie to you..
So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain..
_______________________________

Oh well.. I'm in the process of cleaning the mess I've made.. Dont worry guys.. Soon enough, everything will be back to normal..

I'm leaving for Kuwait on the 15th.. Daym, I won't be seeing him for a month and I won't be able to smoke for a month! Grabe.. Torture toh..

My sleeping pattern is really fucked up. Argh.

2005-12-05T03:03:00.000-08:00

I'VE BEEN EATING A LOT LATELY.

MY MOTHER IS GONNA KILL ME WHEN SHE SEES ME.

I DON'T REALLY CARE NOW.

YOU CAN HIDE ALL THIS FAT UNDER A JACKET ANYWAY. HAHAHAHA.

MAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN.

MY INFRARED THINGAMAJIG IS STILL NOT WORKING.

2005-12-03T07:55:00.000-08:00

ISN'T IT IRONIC?

Sometimes you hafta be cruel to be kind..
Like when you hafta tell someone the truth even if you know it'll hurt them but it'll hurt even more if you just make them believe in a lie.

Sometimes its crazy to be sane..
You need to fall to fly..
You have to unlearn to know the lesson..
You have to give up because you are strong..
You have to be wrong to make things right..

Nonetheless.. Life's complexities are also life's beauty. We should cry to laugh again.. Fall apart to be whole again.. And get hurt to love again..

Oh man. It was a tough decision to make.. But I had to do it..... I would rather hurt him with the truth than continuously lie to him. Daym.

2005-12-02T03:02:00.000-08:00

I'm supposed to go party tonight but..... Surprisingly.. I'm not in the mood.

Yeah..

I just blogged to say that.

2005-12-01T02:59:00.000-08:00

DECEMBER

24 more days to go...

All I know is.. I got my present a lil early and I dont mind not getting anything next year because the present I got for this year is just.. THE BEST.. :)

2005-11-28T18:22:00.000-08:00

I MUST BE DREAMING.

Yesterday seemed like a dream. Its like I kept pinching myself every 5 minutes cuz I couldnt get over it. I couldnt get over the fact that I know everything now. The truth has just been told and I needed to slap myself several times to make myself realize that it, the whole scenario, the one I was praying for, was actually happening!!!!!! Dang! THANK YOU, GOD.
________________

Went to Starbucks, T.Morato to meet up with the brothas cuz I didn't go to Lex's play in UP yesterday. Hehe. I really wanted to go home already but they dragged my ass to Tapika at 12AM to have dinner. I was starving so I went with them even if I was really tired already. So then I had dinner and they ordered beer. And then wengweng. OMG. By 3AM I was already wailing and begging them to bring me home cuz I've already had too much to drink and I felt like I was gonna faint anytime now. I had ONE beer ok? And three glasses of the blue wengweng and 2 glasses of the pink one. FUCK if you wanna have amnesia, you should drink wengweng.

Anyway.. I was the rose among the thorns last night and I'm really glad and thankful that I have those jerks for my friends. I can always talk to them about anything about guys and they make me understand why guys are such assholes. Hahaha. And most importantly, I love them so much cuz I know I can trust them. I dont have to worry about getting drunk with them. Its nice to have guy friends who will take you home no matter how drunk you are without taking advantage of you. They took care of me yo! And I love them for that. But of course, I love *beep* more. Hahaha.

I'd post pics but my infrared device is busted so.. Whatever. This is kind of a reminder that I need that Bluetooth thingamajig to transfer files from my phone to my PC so yeah... ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS. *ehemBUYMEONEehem*

2005-11-23T02:59:00.000-08:00

Long ago and so far away..
I fell in love with you before the second show..
And your guitar.. and you sound so sweet and clear..
But you're not really here..
It's just the radio..

Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby?
You said you'd be comin' back this way again..
Baby baby baby baby baby..
I love you.. I really do..

Loneliness is such a sad affair..
And I can't hardly wait to be with you again..
And what to say to make you come again?
Come on back to me again..
I wanna be, I wanna be anywhere you are..

You're my superstar..

_________

Wow I haven't had a good cry in ages.. It was great. I felt so much pain and love and all that shit and it made me feel so fucking alive....... I haven't turned into an insensitive bitch after all..

Oh God.. I love you so much... I'd go through anything..

2005-11-22T04:39:00.000-08:00

THANK YOU, GOD!

Today... I feel like He just took away a really heavy burden from me.

I've been told the truth, at least enough truth to make me understand a lot of things.

I wasn't expecting it..

But I am so thankful.

Having faith does pay off.

Thank you.. You know who you are..

2005-11-21T07:15:00.000-08:00

-070704-

If you see me walking the road with someone else,
it's not because I like his company..
It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me..
If you hear me talking about him all the time,
it's not because he pleases me..
It's because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat.
If you feel me falling with someone new,
it's not because I love him..
It's because you're not there to catch me if I fall..
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere..
I too don't know where the road is going..
Are we gonna cross each other's path?
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had?
Or go to the place where love is bound?

Don't let me walk with him..
It's you I want to walk with..

2005-11-20T21:14:00.000-08:00

I MET SOMEONE.

We've been going out a lot lately... To make it more clear, I've found a 'steady date'.. He's not the gwapo type that you've been expecting me to be with but anyway, he's an athlete. :) He's part of the Swimteam in his school and he participates during NCAA competitions.. I heard he got the gold medal last year. He's a second year college student from San Beda, taking up BS Psychology. He's really sweet.. and funny.. and sweet.. and smart.. and sweet. :)

I've already introduced him to my Tita and cousin and to my other friends but I haven't told my Mom about him yet. Thas cuz.. I'm not sure if I want to.. Still thinking about it. I don't wanna humiliate myself again if ever it doesn't work out. And I don't want them to worry so much about me..

Anyway whatever.. He seems to be a real nice guy. I haven't done this whole steady dating in months and it feels weird and I feel kinda scared cuz I might end up falling too hard again but.. Shit what the heck. We're having fun as of now so I'm gonna try not to be too paranoid.

THANK GOD he's not the 'too-fast-too-furious' typa guy! Not like all the other guys I've been dating during the past few months. You can easily tell on the first date that all they really wanna do is bang you! Ugh.

He respects me! Hahaha. Nice. And for once in my life, I actually feel like being a lil more conservative and I actually went through the whole courting thing. Hahaha. I never really believed in courtship. If I like the guy and he likes me, thas it.. But this time, I think I wanna play 'hard-to-get'.. I know it doesn't suit my image cuz I look like a slut but whatever. Hahahaha.

Gots ta go now.. Gonna attend mass with him. :)

Hope you guys had a nice weekend.

2005-11-17T05:22:00.000-08:00

SMILES ARE GOOD.

Watched Waiting last Tuesday..
Watched Harry Potter 4 yesterday..

I know this entry sucks but I was with the same person when I watched the two movies.. Which could only mean 2 things.
1) We're getting along really well and we might just end up being the best of friends.
2) ..or into more than best friends.

Either way.. It's making me feel confused.

WHATEVER.

I'd post pics but I haven't uploaded them yet to my PC..

2005-11-12T04:20:00.000-08:00

So since I didn't feel like goin home yet after school, I invited my cousin to join me at Starbucks and then go window shopping afterwards. Tried to finish reading my favorite book while waiting for her.

We saw Marco, one of her gay schoolmates who works as a fashion designer for Tim Yap. He just got off from work and they had a meeting today about an upcoming fashion show at the end of the month. And guess what?!!!! He was nice enough to give us free passes for the event which is gonna be held in Absinth!

Shit I can't wait! I really cannot wait! It's a great opportunity to be introduced, actually SHAKE HANDS with Tim Yap and Bryanboy and Jenni E. and Celine Lopez!!!! Just how fab is that? :) OMG. I need an outfit. A really good one. Gaaaaahhh!

As I've said many times before, I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY to visit my family and I cant wait to finally do my shopping. I wanna buy something nice to wear when I leave so my Mom will focus on what I'm wearing and not on how fat I've become when she sees me at the airport. So anyway, I went to Mango and saw this jacket. Its only 5,000PhP and I REALLY REALLY want to buy it but my cousin wouldn't let me. She says its impractical cuz I'll only get to wear this during my vacation (which is only for 2-3 weeks) and its gonna be summer real soon. I can already buy a whole outfit with 5,000bucks and I know she has a point but I really like the goddamn jacket! I don't know what to do.. Guys, please help me decide.

2005-11-10T20:15:00.000-08:00

I know of a little boy who knows a LOT about camwhoring..

I guess it runs in the family.... Hehehehehehehehe.

I CAN'T WAIT TO HOLD HIM!

I'm going to talk to my Profs and ask them to give me the Prelim exams at least 3days earlier so I can leave and spend a longer time with my family. :)

2005-11-08T01:22:00.000-08:00

I'M A THIEVING BITCH.

So they say. I've been accused of trying to 'steal' someone else's boyfriend. I'm not gonna deny the fact that I've actually done it before and I have succeeded, but the relationship didn't last long. I'm not proud of it but I'm not a hypocrite either.

BUT. If you're going to accuse me of trying to snatch someone's boyfriend, you better get your facts straight and you better show the people PROOF that I am indeed a thieving bitch otherwise you should just keep your mouth shut. You cant base your accusations on hearsay or your narrow mind.

Most importantly, if you want other people to believe that what you say is as credible as you claim it to be, YOU SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE THE BALLS TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF.
All this drama drama drama..

PURGE GALORE

I've been hurling like crazy since 1AM yesterday and I know it sucks but I feel good in a way cuz it made me feel like I've finally puked all the junk food, soft drinks, frappuccino, burgers, all the fuck-me-with-lard and what not that I've been eating this sembreak.

My stomach feels and looks smaller and I think I've lost like 2 layers of flab (haha) but I feel like shit though.

I haven't gone to the hospital yet but I was told that it might be just my ulcer. I haven't been eating on time and whenever I do, I PIG OUT. I don't just eat. I PIG OUT. Anyways.. I think I'm beginning to feel a little better now cuz my stomach doesn't hurt as much as it did yesterday.

2ND SEM.

It's my first day tomorrow (cuz I don't have classes on Mondays and Tuesdays) and I'm kinda excited about it. I kinda missed going to school and seeing my friends everyday. Too bad we're not on the same block anymore but thas aryt, cuz that'll mean I can concentrate more on the lectures (haha) and I can go straight home whenever I choose to after class without them dragging me to someplace else and getting drunk at 4PM.

So goodbye to sleeping at 7AM and waking up at 2PM. Goodbye to wasting my money on martinis that leave me so wasted, I end up giving the cab driver more than I should and losing cash, fucking up my phone, etc (which only means I have to spend more money again). Goodbye to random food trips with my cousin at newly opened restaurants. Goodbye to Jollibee and McDonald's home delivery service when hunger strikes (or gluttony) at midnight. Goodbye to oversleeping/ sleeping RIGHT AFTER I eat.

OMG its so obvious that all I've been doing was eat during sembreak.

39 DAYS TO GO..

And I'm off to see my family again. :)
I can't wait..

Christmas this year sure is gonna be cold without a boyfriend but hey, at least I'll be spending it with my family and of course.. I'll be back with a lotta shopping bags and CAAAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHH from Tito's and Tita's. Hahahaha. Who needs a boyfriend!!!! Hahaha.

2005-11-05T08:57:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY. (and mostly what I do everyday anyway)..

Mostly pictures because I'm not in the mood to say stuff right now.

My cousin and I met up with Jessa today in Cubao.. FOOD TRIP GALORE and Malling.

First Stop..

Seafood Island..

Pinoy Style Nachos

Rockafella Oyster

Green Mango shake, Mango shake, Four Seasons shake.

Last but not the least..

FRIED ICE CREAM :)

Then..

Watched MEGA'S Fashion show in Gateway..

Then..

At FULLY BOOKED.

Dan Brown fanatic :)

My favorite book... :)

Then..

Shopping at Kamiseta.

Last stop...

Dinner at Kenny R. cuz I was craving for ribs! Hahaha. :)

Well.. Thas about it.. No gimik tonight. Gotta get used to waking up early.. Good girl na dapat. :)

At least now, you know why I'm THIS FAT.

2005-11-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

It's past 6AM and I just woke up.. Which doesn't normally happen cuz I've been sleeping at 6-7AM lately. And then waking up at 1-2PM. Haha.

I'd hate to be the one to tell you it's too late.

Guess what.. Ralph called the other night. He's not mad at me anymore (obviously). I tried to run after him when he got mad.. But I think he wanted me to chase him to the end of the earth and I'm not about to do that so.. Yeah.. You can say I gave up on him.

You know, its so stupid that sometimes, boys give you the "you-weren't-patient-enough-so-it-means-you-don't-love-me-that-much" bullshit for a reason. WTF.

All this made me realize sumn. And I hope I stick to this decision already because I keep changing my mind. I get carried away with the sweet talking. Its karma I think, for sweet talking other guys. Bah.

Anyway whatever. Al's going back to Baguio on Saturday morning. I feel really bad for him.. HE CRIED because of me. I don't really like it when boys cry because when they do, it means they're being oversensitive OR you musta done something thas really, really bad. I'm not really fond of oversensitive guys cuz I think they're gay and they won't be able to do shit to defend me whenever they have to. Reminds me of my first boyfriend. Eherm. I think he (Al) cried because he is oversensitive and because I hurt him. By rejecting him.

OMG how predictable. Just a week ago, I had an entry that said I wanted to go to Baguio to visit him cuz I miss him so much, and now that he's here, I dump him.

I REALLY SHOULDNT BE SAYING ALL THIS IN MY BLOG BECAUSE ITS LIKE TALKING SHIT ABOUT MYSELF WHICH IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN CUZ THIS IS MY BLOG AND I SHOULD TREAT MYSELF LIKE I'M A FREAKIN' SUPERSTAR.

Then again...... Maybe... It's just because... I haven't really found that guy that'll really 'sweep me off my feet' yet.. Maybe I've been wasting my time trying to make these other guys LOOK like they are the one that'll sweep me off my feet?.. DOES THIS GUY EVEN EXIST?!!!

Whatever.

BILLS, BILLS, BILLS.

FINALLY. I'm done paying my bills.. Phone.. School.. Rent.. Electric.. Water.. and the pictures and CD my Mom wanted me to send by FedEx. :)

I can't wait till Monday.. I wanna go to school again so I won't have to stay here and eat and sleep and then eat and sleep and eat and sleep the whole goddamn day. Or worse, go out everyday and spend a lot of money.

I think I've watched each and every movie that's out right now. Except the Tagalog ones. No offence, but I think they suck.

I had lunch with Syd yesterday in Chef d'Angelo and we pigged out. I had Chicken Fettucini (mind you, it tastes better than the one they have in Italianni's) and she had chicken with pizza and fries. Haha. And then we ordered sumn for dessert.

She had an Oreo Cheesecake..

I had a Butterfinger Cheesecake.

I'd post a pic of me with cake on my teeth, but uhmm.. No thanks. I think I've said enough shit about me already, I don't need to actually show it to you guys.

The other day, we went and pigged out in Seafood Island, the newly opened resto in Cubao where they serve great food with bagoong rice and fried ice cream for dessert. :)

And then, she wanted to try VIKING in Fiesta Carnival so we did. Hahahaha. The last time I was on that, I was with Zubair, and I went home early cuz it gave me a bitching headache and I felt like throwing up.

ANYWAYYYYYYYY.

I think I'm gonna go back to sleep. Hehe. Wake up at 9 and eat breakfast in McDonald's. :)

I miss him so much.....
I can't wait till December..

On his 1st birthday party at McDonald's last Oct. 2, 2005.

Isn't he the cutest? :) I can't wait to run around the house with him. Hahaha.

2005-11-02T18:30:00.000-08:00

FOR 982247..

Today I bet my life..
You have no idea,
what I feel inside..
Don't be afraid to let it show,
for you'll never know,
if you let it hide..

I love you,
you love me..
Take this gift and don't ask why..
Cuz if you will let me,
I'll take what scares you,
hold it deep inside..
And if you ask me why,
I'm with you and why I'll never leave..

My love will show you everything..

Our love will show us everything..

2005-11-01T21:11:00.000-08:00

I honestly don't know who to believe anymore. I just wanna be alone for a while. Please don't explain or give me information about anything anymore.

PAST IS PAST. If some of it or HALF OF IT was all just a big fucking lie, it still doesn't matter because it's over anyway. Even if we yap or whine about it all day, nothing will happen. So let's all just try to move on with our lives and respect each other.

kthanksbye.

2005-10-31T20:32:00.000-08:00

LOVE CONQUERS ALL!

Because I love her..

I had to go date his upper class just to save them..

Isn't it sweet? I, am risking my neck and my whole body and soul for these two people. Haha..

Shit man. I seriously DO NOT KNOW what to do anymore cuz the guy looks like he's really serious with me.. I know I should be a pro by this time but...... I dunno.. Got a lil disoriented. I can't turn him down cuz the two lovahs are depending on me....

He has already asked me for the nth time if I could be his girlfriend and whenever he does that, I keep screaming inside my head and I feel like just running away. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings anymore. I know sooner or later.. I'll wake up and will want to end the relationship because I'm bored and I want to look for someone/something else. Or because I don't want to deal with the complications of getting into a relationship with someone.

He texted me this morning to say "I love you" and I didn't reply cuz I didn't know what to say..

He just texted me again right now and he said "I've been calling since kanina, but your line's busy.. I don't know.. I think about you a lot and I just can't help it.. I guess I just have to hold back cuz it's slowly killing me.."

WTF, SOMEBODY JUST PLEASE SHOOT ME ALREADY!!!!

I don't wanna play around with anybody's feelings anymore. :(

2005-10-29T15:19:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY NIGHT..

..wasn't that fab. I went home early cuz I saw someone that I didn't want to see.

Well anyway, there's nuin much to say.. Except it's 6:20AM and I'm still up cuz I was chatting with Zee and Jay.

What's a bored girl to do at 6AM?

Camwhoring at its finest. Haha.

Imma get some sleep. Maybe Saturday night will be awesome. :)

2005-10-27T04:02:00.000-07:00

"Loving someone is like losing your own pride. It may be for a good reason, it may be not. But what is important is that you're willing to give up something as great as pride, for someone you really love.."

I'd give up my pride for you but you haven't asked me to give it up for you so until then, I'll be the proud bitch that I am. Hahaha..

God I cannot believe I am talking about LOVE again. What's this?!

Anyway.. Went to the dentist a while ago and guess what? He took my braces out already! ;p It feels weird but my Tita said it looks better now. I'd post a pic of me smiling but I'm not ready to show everyone my new smile yet. Hahahaha.. ARTE! I still have to go back on Sunday to get my retainers anyway so its just the same. I still have something to put in my teeth. Bah!

Ahhh! I'm hungry! Be back later! Bye! ;p

2005-10-26T02:14:00.000-07:00

HALF LIFE..

"Let you and I escape... Escape from time.."

There have been good and bad things thas happened to me in the past 24 hours.. So I don't really know how to react to it. I can't really be too sad... And I can't be too happy. Ugh. I hate the feeling.

Went to school and hung out with mah biatch.

She helps me a lot when I'm having a pretty bad day. She cheers me up by making fun of the first ugly or fat person who passes by in front of us. HAHA. Yeah, I know I'm so mean... Thas why I'm getting uglier and fatter everyday. :(

Spent the whole afternoon with R.A.

We were buggin' all the kids that sat beside our table.. He kept offering them his fries. Haha.

We spent two hours in Jollibee, laughing about our silly jokes. I had fun.... And I kinda needed to laugh so.. Thanks RA. Owe ya. :) Can't wait to watch that movie with you. Cuz I know you'll be paying for me. HAHA.

I don't feel so fab.. Gonna go get some sleep.. Wake up later and check who's online. Till then... Byeeeeeeeeee.

Oh bdw.. Imma go swimming tomorrow.. Anyone wants to come.. Text me. I wanna spend the whole day at the condo. Its getting kinda lonely here in my room and I dont feel like partying at night.

2005-10-23T01:23:00.000-07:00

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!

I've had enough of this shit already!!! ARGH. This is NOT what things in my life are supposed to be! I'm sick of this shit! I AM SO SICK OF GOING OUT. I AM SO SICK OF DATING GOOD-LOOKING BUT DUMB GUYS! I AM SO SICK OF NEGLECTING, WHAT SHOULD BE MY TOP PRIORITY. I AM SO TIRED OF LIVING A MEANINGLESS AND IDLE LIFE. ITS ABOUT TIME THAT I PUT AN END TO ALL THIS IRRESPONSIBLE SHIT I'VE BEEN DOING.

FROM NOW ON...

1. I WILL PRAY EVERY DAY. Yes, cuz I can be an ungrateful human being sometimes and I can't even remember when was the last time I went to church. I'm actually not really a church person. I was never a believer in religion, but rather a proselyte of faith. I have this belief that religion can't save you, but faith can. You can sing your praises and gratitude to God anywhere, and not through some memorized lines of faith that MOST catholics don't even feel the words at all while they are saying it, a more personalized prayer is the way to go for me. Its just sad that I even forget about doing that sometimes.

2. I WILL MINIMIZE MY SWEARING. Cuz promising to NEVER swear is just impossible for me to do, especially when I'm really pissed off at someone. Sometimes I just really overdo it, I not only swear when I'm mad, I also swear when I'm happy, when I'm kinikilig, when I'm bored, when I'm drunk, when I'm sober.. Etc. So there. If I was a guy, I'd be totally turned off by me. :( Yuck.

3. I WILL STOP DATING ASSHOLES. Because I've realized that I am capable of attracting decent guys and that assholes are for bitches. I'm already trying to stop being a bitch so I should try to stop dating assholes also. This is going to be a tough one cuz almost all assholes are the good-looking ones but........ Ok. I'll stop being so superficial.

4. I WILL TRY TO STOP SMOKING, DRINKING, TAKING DRUGS AND EATING TOO MUCH. Ok, this is the hardest part because I've gotten used to smoking when I wake up, before I eat, after I eat, when I'm bored, when I'm not bored, when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm alone, when I'm with friends, while I'm drinking, when I'm already drunk and before I go to sleep. But smoking makes your teeth yellow, your gums and lips darkens, it gives you pimples and it bad skin. In short, it'll only make me uglier than I already am so.. Bye cancer sticks. DRUGS ARE JUST NOT GOOD, KIDS. YOU WILL BENEFIT NOTHING FROM IT, IT'LL JUST MAKE YOU UGLY, STUPID AND INCREDIBLY BROKE SO STAY AWAY. Trying it once or twice is acceptable, but getting hooked to it is just plain stupidity. Drinking on the other hand.. Well.. Ok.. From now on, I'll drink occasionally nalang and NOT EVERYDAY. Food is just so hard to get over. Especially when I get bored. HAHA. But. Shit. From now on, I'm gonna practice how to fist my throat and purge all my internal organs like Bryanboy does.

5. I WILL STOP SPENDING MY CASH ON UNIMPORTANT THINGS. Sum up all the money I've wasted on drinks, drugs, and other USELESS SHIT for the past 5 months, I could've used it to buy like 15 i-pod minis and gave it to 15 close friends.

I know I've made promises like these for the nth time now. But the ones I just talked about are my worst habits and I just wanna get rid of them because I know that even if its hard, it's the right thing to do and it'll all be worth it in the end. We should all strive to do the right things no matter how up the world is. I'm not saying that I'm gonna be Little Miss Perfect from now on.. I'm not saying that I'll NEVER smoke, drink, ehrm.. have sex anymore.. But uhm.. Yeah. I just wanna be a little better. Even just a tiny bit.

Zubair flew to the States this morning. You better bring back sumn nice for me or you might as well stay there forever. JOKE. :P

2005-10-22T01:34:00.000-07:00

TO GO OR NOT TO GO.
That is the question.

I am so fucked right now that I just wanna go somewhere and do something to forget about everything else.

I'm supposed to go to a lesbo party tonight at 8PM in a bar in T.Morato and then head on to my best friend's boyfriend's birthday party to meet this cute guy they've been telling me about and then Joey's gonna pick me up cuz he wants to go to Greenbelt. All this in just one night. Thinking about it fucks me up even more. I used to feel excited about this weekend but now I just feel like I'M SO FUCKIN' TIRED OF PARTYING EVERY NIGHT. It sucks too much of my energy and too much of my cash at the same time. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SAVING!!!! Arrrghhhh.. I don't wanna go home with a bitching headache anymore. I don't wanna wake up the next day wondering how the hell did I get home or worse, where the hell am I or who took off my shoes for me or what the hell happened to my phone and where the fuck is my cash. GAHHHHHH.

I was determined to ditch my friends just so we could spend some time together (yeah, you know me when it comes to 'love').I was gonna go and book myself to a flight to Baguio tonight cuz riding a bus going there scares the fuck out of me. But it turns out that I can't fly to Baguio because I don't have enough cash. If I spend all of what's left, I'm gonna starve for a week cuz I'll get my allowance at the end of the month pa. When I get there, I still have to worry about my lodging and food expenses and shit and of course, I need to buy stuff from there. If I do all of that, I'll have a thousand bucks left for one week. I can't live with a thousand bucks for one week. Thas impossible.

SO LIKE I have no other choice but to go by bus. But if I go by bus tonight... The fuck. What if I get mugged or sumn. Or what if the bus falls off a cliff?!!! Wah. Shit.

I really wanna go cuz I miss him. =(

But anywayyyyyyyyyyy. Maybe I should just wait for my allowance. I might just go to where I'm supposed to go tonight. Whatever. He's gonna be here next week anyway. He'll be staying here for 2weeks just for meeeeeeeee.... Sweet, huh? ;) WAH. All this talk makes me miss him even more.

Imma take a nap. Hopefully I'll be in a partying mood when I wake up.

2005-10-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

LAYDEE'S NOITE.

wednesday is laydee's night. drunk again.

just got home and im really drunk. like my head's spinnin and i swear i want to throw up. im sleeping with a plastic bag again tonight.

i am never ever ever ever ever drinking too much zombie again. i had a long island iced tea again and i swearrrrrrrrrrr i wanna throw up again. why do i keep saying again over and over and over and over again?

dude i victimized another barista cuz my friends and i got free drinks in exchange for my number and email address. hahahahahahaha. he's such a sweetheart, he even gave me a free mango shake before i left. i was too drunk to worry if he put ecstasy on it or worse, if he spat on it. fuck i have a dirty mind.

there was sumn on my mind that i wanted to write here but i seem to have forgotten what its about.

i went on a date with a cute, semi-kalbo chinito yesterday. he was so galante cuz he got everything i wanted (hahaha, this is actually the first time that i let a guy pay for stuff i wanted to buy) and we ate lunch in chef d'angelo (fettucini was great) and dinner at chilli's. he most prolly spent like 5thou bucks on me in just one day and i was impressed cuz he didn't seem to be bothered about it. i thought he was great not until we were on our way home and someone kept calling him on his cellphone. he didnt want to answer the call and i asked him who was calling and i can tell that he was hiding sumn from me. we had this huge argument about it and so to make the long story short, HE ALREADY HAS A GIRLFRIEND. im like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL THESE BOYS TRYNA GET WITH ME WHEN THEY'RE ALREADY TAKEN? this is like the THIRD FUCKIN TIME thas happened to me in a span of two months. the first one had a girlfriend. the second one was already married and had a kid but both of them we're in the states and then this guy was the third.

i didnt get pissed off in front of him cuz there's nuin i can do about it and my parents did not send me to school for me to be stupid enough to believe his alibis. i tried to be nice till he dropped me off but after i got home, i stopped replying to his texts and i kept rejecting his calls. ive had enough of these typa guys. he still keeps texting me and he tells me that he's gonna do everything to prove to me that he's serious and that i should believe him and his stupid fuckin' alibi. goodluck, asshole. im a player. no, im the game itself. so if you're gonna make up an excuse, it better be a good one or you'll only bastardize the game.

anyway whatever. there's a PMA-er tryna make pa-cute with me right now and i think he's cool. one more year and he's gonna graduate. we both like reading philosophical and political books and im thinking of buying him a copy of THE 48 LAWS OF POWER cuz he hasnt read it yet but he wants to buy it. he's really smart (of course he is, he went to ateneo de davao when he was in highschool and duh, he's in PMA), sweet, he's fuckin tall (6'1), i give him an 8 on his looks (10 being the highest), and hey he's gonna be a lieutenant when he graduates. they recieve 16thou as salary in PMA every month so that means he has money and thas a good thing cuz ive had enough of parasites. like those guys who ask me out on a date but doesnt have enough cash to pay for everything. im so mean but my value just moved up to 3 notches and im more practical now. sorry. i dont plan to spend even a dime on you if in the end, i find out that you really just wanted to bang me or use me as your fuckin trophy.

so anyway, he's comin' here to manila after his finals week and we're gonna hang out. i hope everything goes well cuz he's a big catch. what more can you ask for? sometimes i wonder what his defect is. there's gotta be a defect. ive never dated anyone so perfect. like, they can be goodlookin' but they're not good in conversations. or they can be really smart and all but they're not that gwapo. basta there's always a defect.

aaaaakkkkkkkkkk. i miss him. i wanna see him alreaaaaaaddyyyyyy.

shit man. why does it seem like it gets farther and farther? before it was only in alabang. and then in laspinas. and then in fuckin dasma. now its in baguio!!!!!!!!!! like the bus ride to there is 6 hours long and costs 350 bucks! you always sacrifice for the good ones. blech.

writing this entry helped me feel better. i dont think i still wanna throw up. i hope i still feel the same after i turn off my computer.

it's 3AM which means its already the 20th. so...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUNSHINE!!!!
i miss you so much! be good. dont be like your ate, ok? or ill kill you.

oh i just wanna say that she danced with her classmates during teacher's day and she was the one who choreographed their dance steps to her favorite song, HOLLABACK GIRL. like im so proud cuz the teachers said she danced so well and she looks just like me. oh i hope she doesnt turn out to be just like me who started to have a boyfriend when she was in grade 6. damn.

HOLY SHIT.

thas me wearing my pink uniform when i was in kindergarten in miriam college( look at that awful teeth. smeagle, is that you?!). thas my sister when she was in kindergarten.

dont you think we look alike? except i was thinner when i was a kid.

im outta here.

2005-10-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

ALMOST GOT SCREWED. literally.

saturday night was a blast. ok i started partying at 4PM. went to my crush's birthday party. because zubair never texted or called me to inform me if we were gonna meet up or what. so i decided to go someplace else. i understand that the guy prolly doesnt wanna see anyone and is pissed off with the world so what the heck.

anyway. its 6AM and i got home like 15 minutes ago. so here's the story--.. i almost got screwed. as in literally. if i didnt think of a plan, shit, im sure im in some room right now, getting screwed. sorry for the profanity. its just that im so proud of myself because i didnt let looks, and money, and his car get to me. hahahahaha.

im not gonna go into detail about what really happened cuz i have a bitching headache and i wanna go to sleep already. all i can say is, i have a crush. he's cute. he's rich. he insisted that he take me home to his house and then we 'sleep' together since we're both drunk already. i couldnt say no cuz it was his birthday and he was my crush. but i managed to think of an excuse during the last minute. hahahaha. i was panicking cuz hello?! put a guy and a girl who are both physically attracted to each other inside a room, what do you think will happen next? right? im not stupid yo.

anyway whatever. goodnight. good morning. mwahz!

2005-10-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

BLUE.

I didn't go out last night, for the first time EVER in months. The finals week was a real bitch and the Anatomy exam gave us a fucking internal hemorrhage. I went out of the room with a bleeding nose. Like, during the exam, you'll see a lotta students doing the sign of the cross before shading their answer. Oh God. If I fail my major subject, I am so screwed. SO SCREWED. I'm so worried about my Mom, I swear. She's gonna be so disappointed. All this money wasted just so I can finally graduate this goddamn course.

Why the hell can't I take up what I really want instead??? AARRRRGH. Here I go again!!!

I remember having this kind of conversation with Zubair before and he tells me sumn like "This is what you're given so all you can do is make the best of it" I mean yeah ok, but but but!!!! Why can't I take up what I want and then make the best of it??? OOooooohhh I am so frustrated. I know I'm not stupid but my grades this sem are really fucked up.

It's so depressing. At the beginning of the year, I almost nearly figured out what I wanted for myself. And now, close to the end of the year, I don't know WHAT THE HELL I'm doing.

And like I've been so irritated with my flings. They've been complaining about the same things OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I fought with all of them yesterday cuz I was SO tired and I felt kinda tense cuz of the exams and they were bugging me! There was one point when I got paranoid cuz they all said the same thing simultaneously!
"You're taking me for granted!"
"You don't have time for me!"
"You always make up excuses when it comes to me!"
"You never prioritized me! It's always your friends first!"
"I don't know why I'm still here even if you keep on ignoring my existence!"

WHAT THE FUCK. I have other important things to attend to. I would rather make myself miserable by thinking about my failing grades than to indulge myself with these attention-seeking bitches. They're so disappointing.

AND I'M ALSO SO DISAPPOINTING! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT ITS SO SAD :( The last guy I liked ever since my last break-up is ignoring me because I am so undecipherable! Like, when he's there, I always take him for granted but when he's not around, I'm so fervent in wanting to be with him! So he comes back and I shrug him off again! Maybe its better this way, at least I'm not hurting his feelings anymore. Blech. I probably don't love him anyway cuz I'm really not that affected so he can be gone and I wouldn't really care. Seeeee. I'm so messed up!

I AM GOING OUT TONIGHT. RAIN OR SHINE. BY HOOK OR BY FUCKIN CROOK.

I SUCK!

2005-10-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day..

I'm over it and thas good. :) I don't plan to waste too much time sulking and thinking about it. I did my part. I called him but we ended up almost fighting again so I think the best thing to do is let go and let it cool down first. In time, things will be better. This I know because I've been through this before. ;p

Zubair, I'm worried bout you, mate. You've always been the laconic type and that always gets me even more paranoid. But hey, lemme know if you still have time.

Lance:
BLUE DOLPHNS- 1200PhP
PINK CHERRIES- 1000PhP
WHITE CAPS- 700PhP
SPEEDY GONZALES- 800PhP

I recommend blue dolphins. Hehe.. :)

I almost forgot to that I had an exam at 8:30AM today. I got up at 7:30 and was in so much hurry, I didn't even fix my hair anymore. Haha. I have another exam later at 2PM. Thas about it for this week.. I'll be free tonight and tomorrow night so if anyone wants to hit the clubs with me.. I'm one text away. :)

2005-10-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

HOW TO DEAL..

I've dissed you for so many times, yet you still keep reaching out to me. I've rejected and taken you for granted yet you still keep reminding me that you'll stay... I can't remember how long you've waited. I can't remember how many times you've begged me for a little attention. I can't remember how many times I ditched you to have a drinking session with my friends. I can't remember how many times I hung up on you cuz I was too drunk, was too tired, was too sleepy to talk to you. I can't remember how many times I lied to you. :(

It's true when they say "You dunno what you got till its gone"..

I can't say I LOVE YOU because.. It's so complicated for me to say stuff like that now.

I know it's my fault. I'm the one who's at a loss. But know sumn? I'm not gonna let sumn like this get to me. I promised myself I'm not gonna let any guy fuck me up ever again. But I'm truly sorry for the things I did. If you ever come back, I'll tell you everything I have to say. But if you don't.. I'm not gonna run after you. I know things happen for a reason. If we lose touch, it prolly means that we both have something better waiting for us. :)

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.. I miss you.

Jeez. It's 2AM!!!! I gotta study!

In conclusion to this entry... OK OK, I'LL STOP BEING A PLAYER! Fuck! I LEARNED MY LESSON, NOW. WOULD YOU PLEASE LET ME STUDY NOW? OK, THANKS.

2005-10-12T19:04:00.000-07:00

WHACCKKK.

I've got an exam today.. 3 more exams and I'm done with the finals.. SEMBREAK NA! Yey! Ok.. I'm not sure if I'm really happy about it. Blech.

As promised.. I ditched **** because he's a waste of my time. I don't wanna ruin any relationships and his girlfriend seems nice. It's hard cuz I always see him in school but I gotta do what I gotta do. I also dropped ***** because he's so immature and we always fight about the smallest things, I'm getting so tired of it. I'm running out of boys, its time to reload.. WAHAHAHA.

I should be so ashamed of myself because all I ever talk about in this blog are boys, illicit drugs and getting drunk. But there's nuin I can do cuz thas all thas been happening in my life right now, thas why you can pretty much say that my world right now is half asleep. I've been missing out on all the important things. :(

I'm getting tired of going out.

AND I'M GETTING FAT!
Fuck that!

I've been eating in McDonald's for 4 consecutive days now and been drinking beer on a regular basis ever since...... Well, I don't really remember.

I'm going back to the gym this sembreak.

MY NEW BEST FRIEND.
No, I didn't dump Charmaine. She's still my #1 bitch. Hehe.

Nights in Absinth..

At our tambayan in school..

Hekhekhek..

INUMAN SESSIONS..

Boy Scouting.. Hahaha..

Let's just say.. She's my female version of Zubair. She says things that I can't say and things that I can't admit to myself. She fights with the people who I'm nice with even if their just using me. Hahahaha. She does all the things that I can't but have to. AND I LOVE HER TO BITS! :) She's my classmate.. My drinking buddy.. My girlfriend.. My confidante.. My psychologist (she finished BS PYSCHO in St. Paul University, Manila).. Hahaha.. And of course.. MY PARTNER IN CRIME.

Love ya, Syd!!! See ya later..

2005-10-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

SO TRUE, IT HURTS.

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.

You tend to give more than take in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

2005-10-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

IS IT REALLY THE FINALS OR WHAT?!!!

Cuz I'm not feelin' it. I've been going out and getting drunk everyday for weeks now! Been splurging too much cash buying gimik outfits and drinks. I know it's so irresponsible of me but.. DAMN. Can't help it.

I was supposed to go bar hopping in Malate last night with Syd and Dane. We ate dinner in this Italian bistro first and when we got out, it started to rain really hard. Sobrang bad trip! Panira ng gimik!!!! It poured and it made us lose all our appetite for an all night pimpin' and dancin'.. So at 10PM, we just decided to get a cab and go home. We dropped off Syd first and then Dane but we got stranded somewhere in Espana.. I swear the cab stayed for like an hour on the same street and the whole goddamn place was flooded. We saw people getting off the jeeps and taxis and walking home nalang but there's no way Imma do that. Excuse me, I don't wanna ruin my shoes and I don't plan to step on some poop or soak my feet in rat piss.

We got to Dane's place at around 12:45AM when it should've only taken us like 15minutes to get there. I didn't wanna go home anymore cuz it was late and I don't wanna waste my cash on the goddamn cab. Our taxi fare reached to 355PhP (from Malate to Lardizabal ONLY).

Badtrip talaga last night.

So I'm going out again tonight. Hahahahaha. :P

Shit I've been spilling too much of my katarantaduhan in this blog.

Oh and I plan to drop **** cuz I don't want anything to do with him anymore. I know it's bad for me anyway cuz he's already got a girlfriend and I don't wanna seem like I'm snatching him away from her. I mean, it's not my fault, right? It could be. But it's mostly his fault. If he really loves his girlfriend so much, why bother flirting with me? BOYS talaga o.

2005-10-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

drunk again.

been spendinga thousand bucks everyday now.

we fuckin kissed.

why do they do that if they love their girlfriend so much?

kthnxbye.

2005-10-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

FEELIN' :) AND FEELIN' :(

I'll try to make this one short..

I have this HUGE CRUSH on a Rad. Tech. student from my school and I finally got the chance to hang out and get to know him better lately..

It was my first time to hear him sing today and I SWEAR he looks even more hotter when he's on stage... He has a really nice voice.. :) My friends were screaming their heads off and they kept teasing me while he was singing on stage and I get so fuckin' kilig when he stares at me.

So anyway.. His friends and my friends went drinking tonight and I just got home.. We played this truth-or-dare game but it was mostly dares anyway and they dared us to lip lock for like 5 seconds. So we did.

Of course.. Kinilig ako.. Langya..

Then he took me home.

When he got home.. He texts me and tells me that he has a confession to make.. I ask him what it is.. and.. TENENEN! He's got a fuckin' girlfriend!!!! :( Waaaahhhh!!!!

He says he's been with this girl for almost two years now but he wants me to know that he likes me.

So anyway, my point is.. BOYS WILL BE BOYS. It doesn't matter how long you've been together or how faithful he may seem to be... I swear, this has happened to me too many times before and I'm not surprised anymore.

So girls.. I'm not telling you to be paranoid and watch over your boyfriend all the fuckin' time. I'm just sayin'.. Don't be too confident.. It's always good if you leave some for yourself and if you feel secure with your own self. Gets ba? Hahahahaha.

Nawala amats ko. Tangina.

2005-10-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

OKTOBERFEST NAA!!

My guy friends, a girlfriend and I went to Intramuros last night for the Oktoberfest thingie but when we got there, we didn't like the ambiance cuz the people looked like hustlers and trying hard punks, rockers, whatever. So we just ate dinner and moved to Timog.

It was my first time to go to DECADES, Roces and FUCK!!!! Andame kong boys last night, man! Hahahahahaha.

I've never been this happy and contented to be single. :)

I shaked my ass from 12-4AM, NON STOP!!!!, danced with almost all the guys and gave away my number to everyone I danced with. Hahaha.

Shit. I wanna go there again next weekend.

I don't usually dance around with guys I dunno at the dancefloor cuz.. I dunno. I think I have a superiority complex? I always think that I shouldn't let them talk to me or touch me or whatever cuz I'm high maintenance and I'm better than all the girls they've known and I'm not just some girl that they're gonna dance with and fuck after the party. I can be a fuckin' snob! But last night, I just went with the flow. I let myself have fun. And I did! :)

There were these two guys, actually they were brothers, the first one to dance with me was the 17 year old but his Kuya saw me and was tryna snatch me away from his lil bro. Hahahahaha. I liked the Kuya better cuz he has more appeal and well, cuz he's older. :p He held my hand for a really long time and when his lil bro saw us, he pulled me away and asked me to go outside with him for a while to get some fresh air. Hahahaha. DECADES was jampacked, I swear.

Then there was this guy who just moved from California this year and he goes to my school!!!! Hahahaha. Shit.. I prolly wouldn't know what ta do if I ever see him on Monday.

Then there was one of Letran's varsity player and his cousin.. Fuckin' cute. But I couldn't flirt with him cuz I know a lotta guys from Letran.. And they know them too.. So I can't really show them how much of a bitch I am. Hahahahahahaha.

The list could go on and I saved some numbers in my cell but I can't remember who's who anymore. Hahahahaha.

Here I go again. I'm goin' boy-crazy again. =(

But I guess thas okay.. Cuz I'm single.. I'm young.. And I'm restless.. HAHAHA!

Definitely partying again next weekend. :)

2005-09-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

BAD HONEY!!!!

I hurt somebody's feelings today. =( I feel bad about it cuz.... Basta. He's really nice and he's been 'courting' me for months now and he's really cute.. Tall, dark, and handsome pare! But for some reason, I changed my mind. :(

I just wanna enjoy whatever it is that I'm into right now. I wanna have fun with friends.. I wanna have time for myself.. I can't give up drinking and hanging out with my friends just yet.. I'm not ready. :( So I told him about it.

He wanted to meet up with me today cuz he wanted to talk about it in person but I didn't want to see him cuz I might change my mind. Gawd, I'm so bad.

The fuck is wrong with me.

Something tells me I did the right thing though.. Cuz.. I dunno.. He's not the only guy left in the world.. There are lotsa them waiting.. But I just can't help but think, what if he was really serious about me and what if he made a really good boyfriend?.. Shit. He's online right now but I don't wanna send him a message cuz I think he's pissed off cuz if he wasn't, he'd be the first one to send me a message.

There's one more.. Okay, two more TDH (tall,dark,handsome) who's been bugging me and there were a couple of guys.. And a lesbian (haha) who introduced themselves to me in school today but somewhere between talking to them or replying to the texts of the other two TDH guys, I still think about *****... I know he has all the right to be mad at me.. It's all my fault and I've been a bitch.. But..

I think he deserves someone better.

Damn. I'm confused.

I shouldn't have let that one get away.

Or maybe I should've.

My mind's so fucked up.

2005-09-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

BWAKANABITCH

I dunno where the hell that came from or what it means but my best friend said that to me yesterday and I think she means that I'm a bitch. Hahaha. Hello, what's new?!

I've been drunk for four straight days now and haven't been getting much sleep. Like I said, what's new?.. My room's a mess. Clothes, bags, cash, trash, illicit drugs and cancer sticks are scattered all over the place. I'm so disgusting. I wanna pick everything up and throw it all away.

I got my allowance yesterday and my oh my.. I spent a lot yesterday. Gaaaaaaaawd. When will I ever learn????

What the hell happened to me? Just the other day, I was this snob who only thought of herself and went straight home to do her homework after school, I wake up the next day and I'm this crackwhore, so scared of herself and what she'll do next.

I'm so happy and so depressed at the same time. Happy cuz I've been having fun.. Depressed because I had to pay and I end up neglecting the important things in exchange. =(

Oh and its so peak season right now! IT'S RAINING MEN!!!! Like.. They're all lined up and its driving me nuts. I don't wanna have a boyfriend right away cuz I don't want to change my Friendster status to "In a relationship".. What if someone better comes along, right? But like, they're all kinda cute and I wanna hook up with all of them. Hahahahahaha. I'm such a selfish BITCH!

Anyway whatever, I hafta study now. I have a report on boobs and menstrual cycle later in Anatomy and I haven't read a thing. I haven't even done a single visual aid. I'm so totally going to flunk this subject if I don't stop all my bullshit.

PLEASE DON'T INVITE ME TO ANY MORE GIMIKS OR DRINKING SESSIONS. I'M AN IRRESPONSIBLE, GULLIBLE, LITTLE GIRL AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY 'NO' TO GIMIKS SO JUST BE A GOOD FRIEND AND HELP ME OUT BY NOT INVITING ME OK???

2005-09-27T16:18:00.000-07:00

Its... 7:30AM and I woke up late today.. But I'm not skipping class today. Can't.

So anyway.. I went downstairs to have breakfast and my cuz was watching tv. It was my first time to watch Nina's "I love you, goodbye" music video and guess who I saw????

J FUCKIN' MICHAEL CRUZ!!!!!

I screamed like hell cuz I wasn't expecting it!!!!

DUUUUUUUUDDDEEE!!!! Hahahahaha.. I still dunno what to say!!!!

I remember blogging about our deal.. Y'know.. Losing weight and shit.. Loser splurges money on the winner.. Hahahahahaha..

FUCK! What the hell is happening to my friends??? Why have they suddenly turned into celebrities??? Hahahaha.. I should go make a VTR.. Audition for a napkin commercial.. Nyahahahahahahahahahaha.

DAMN YOU MICHAEL, you always surprise me.

I should go.. I'm running late. Hahahaha.

One helluva morning!

2005-09-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, GOIN' BACK???

Daym...

My TriColl days are back.. I was almost never single back then and I kept on dating and dating and dating and dating... I could beat the Energizer Bunny when it comes to dating.

So I met up with this new guy, right?.. Well actually, he's not really that 'new'.. He's been calling and texting me since Prelims pa yata.. But I just sorta ignore him most of the time cuz my attention was focused on someone else.

Everybody thinks I'm a player cuz I can break up with a guy today and then find a new one tonight. Is that what you call a player? Cuz thas all I can do.. I don't two time. At least not yet.. Hehehe.

I skipped two gimiks tonight just so I can be with him and I guess yeah, it was worth it. I had fun. He smells good. Haha.

I'm too tired to make kwento.

Oh and about the palmistry thing.. I'm too tamad to make kwento about that too cuz as the days pass by, the more I realize that it might have been just talkshit. I don't believe in it anymore.

So anyway.. My Friendster horoscope was awesome.. ;)

He's coming over at home tomorrow to introduce himself as a suitor. Haha.

Call me whatever you want, but I think I wanna try two timing. I know karma comes by FedEx nowadays but fuck it. Honestly, nothing affects me anymore. All the guys in the world can tell me whatever they want to win my heart and I'll just think that they're all the same. Cuz they really are. I shoulda stuck to that thought from the start. But I know better now.

I just wanna make it clear that I'm not a man-hater.. Hahaha.. I LOVE MEN. I really do. Especially the tall and lean ones. Hahahaha. But as I meet more of them, they always end up saying the same things to me and I'm just really tired of hearing the same goddamn lines OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I swear..

Ugh. Whatever.

It's past 1AM and I'm sleepy na.. Haven't been getting much sleep lately. So g'noite minions.. Muaahhhzzz..

2005-09-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'M SO EXCITED.. AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT!

I'm single again!!!! Hahahahaha.. Oh and guess what??? I DIDN'T CRY or SULK or GET DRUNK or SNIFFED COKE or SWALLOWED A SINGLE PILL... Shit I feel so good about myself!!!! This is the first break-up ever na hindi ako nagmukmok!!!! And all of 'em's like, "Howcome we don't see any trace of sadness in your eyes?" Hahahahaha. Aww man!!!

AYOKO NA MAGPAKA WASTED SA LALAKE ULIT!!!! ;) I know better now. Ha! NO GUY'S gonna make me sit in a corner and cry anymore.. I'm on top of mah game.. ;p

And because I don't let opportunities pass me by.. I'm going out on a date tanyt! Hahaha.. ;p

Check out my Friendster horoscope for today!!!!

Get ready -- those flirt-filled conversations will finally add up to something real.

Are you postponing taking that next big love step because you're afraid? And are you afraid because everything's not 'perfect'? The stars tell you to snap out of it and stop asking yourself, 'What if?' or you could talk yourself out of a situation that may not be 'perfect,' but is actually perfect for you. You were born to love deeply, so embrace an adventure that has the potential to change your life for the better.

I hope everything turns out okay later.. Wish me luck and congratulate me for this is the first time in history that I didn't cry over a guy! Not even a single tear! Hahaha..

Muah Muahz!

2005-09-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

PALMISTRY

..or whatever it is you wanna call it. Daym...... I can't believe I'm so addicted to it right now. Prolly cuz I got so impressed cuz everything he told me was right.. Shit! How could anyone know about all that stuff about you just by looking at the goddamn lines on your palm????

I'd share about everything he told me but I'm kinda tired and I still have to study so I'll post a longer entry next time..

Muahz... ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHAPS!!!!!!
Miss youuuuuuuuuuuuu RL.

2005-09-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

IN A RUSH.... NO MORE.

Earlier this morning, I wanted to make a pledge that today was gonna be the last time that I ever pick up a cancer stick.

I know I said sumn about refusing to have a boyfriend until I graduate college. But then again, how many times did I promise myself that it was gonna be the last time that I ever drink or smoke or fall in love again?.. Some things are just inevitable. People are just people and they can be vulnerable to temptation.

After being with him for exactly 20 days now, ngayon ko lang na-change yung friendster status ko to 'In a relationship'. Probably because I was still in denial and that I always thought of it as something 'bound to end soon anyway'. I didn't see the need to spread the news to everyone cuz I didn't want to humiliate myself to my family when we break up, thinking that they'd prolly tell me sumn like "I told you so" or "There you go again..". I didn't want to hear any of that from my Mom. But why in the hell should I think about BREAKING UP with him right away when it's only been 20 days? I mean, what's the rush?

See this is the problem with me.. I'm such a brat. Whenever I want something, I need to have it right away or I'll start bitching. I never really learned how to wait for the right timing. I do everything in a rush. I want everything here and now. I'm fuckin' paranoid. I always have this the-world-might-end-tomorrow mentality so it really freaks me out when I don't get what I want right away.

I've decided to give this a shot. Even if there's a 50/50 chance for this relationship to last because of so many reasons, one because it's a whirlwind relationship (y'know what they say.. Easy come, easy go) and for some other reasons that I cannot share with you anymore.

I've never been this brave in making a leap before. I guess I've learned a lot with the experiences I've had. At least now, I don't get so worried if the relationship doesn't last or if someday he meets someone else, or if I get hurt again. Cuz you know what? I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to make it work and if I still end up all alone one day, at least I know that I did my job.. PLUS he's never gonna meet anyone like me out there. Hahahahahaha.

Shit I am so fuckin' proud of myself right now. I guess I've finally learned something.

Big props to all the boyfriends who has hurt me and left me because without you.. I'd be nothing right now. :)

Most of my love stories might have been tragic.. But hey, it's just like what they always tell me.. Life's like a wheel.. I guess right now, I'm on top. I may be down in the dumps again in the future but crap, I've got no other choice but to work my way on top again.

Right now.. I'm just gonna go with the flow and enjoy the moment. This new guy might teach me something new. This is the fun part in meeting someone new.. You always learn something from them. But I really hope that if we ever do break up, I hope it won't be a bitter one cuz I'd be really sad cuz he's also a good friend of mine.

Anyway.. Have a great weekend, minions!

OH! No pictures cuz I didn't go out this weekend. Why? Well because I really want to pass and because I'm taking a break from being a drunkard/crackwhore. So wish me luck.

2005-09-15T04:58:00.000-07:00

TRYNA FIND COMFORT AMIDST THE CHAOS..

Something happened to me today that poked me in the head and reminded me to do a reality check.. I'm actually kinda pissed right now but hey I'm calm. And mind you, I usually kick/throw everything within reach when I get pissed off.

I'd talk about my problem but.. I wanna keep it to myself. Maybe I'll talk about it when I've fixed it.

CLEAN LIVING..

My friends and I have been slowly tryna free ourselves from cancer sticks.. beers.. O.S. (too bad if you dunno what that means.. hihihi..).. uppers.. downers.. and the likes because we're all getting sick now and we have to cut back. :p Michelle just got out of the hospital last Sunday morning after being confined for several days because of.. *Sorry.. Can't tell..* but Chaps had to check in at the New Era General Hospital, Sunday evening.

Remember our last gimik? The one I talked about on my last entry? That was a Saturday night, right? We all went home Sunday afternoon, but Chaps had to leave earlier (I think he left at around 7AM, can't remember cuz I was asleep) cuz of severe abdominal pain. He went for a check up and guess what they found? He had a stone in his gall bladder!

Chaps' gallstone.. Nyahaha..

So yeah.. I'm such a good friend cuz I skipped class with Sydney the next day so we could pay him a visit. :P He had his operation and as you've seen, they managed to take out the goddamn gallstone but he's not allowed to drink anymore (?).. Hehe.

Monday afternoon.. Before his operation.

Tuesday afternoon..

Yesterday, I went with boyfriend and all our other friends to the hospital to see how he was doing. We were all laughing and poking fun at him cuz for those of you who don't know, gallstones are formed also when bile is stored in the gallbladder for too long or too much water is removed, then the cholesterol it contains will crystallize, forming gallstones (naknamputah! May natutunan din sa Nursing!). Gallstones are quite sharp so it'll really hurt when the gallbladder contracts. I mean, Chaps did nothing but say PUTANGINA the whole fuckin' time cuz it hurt so much. Haha. Besides being a hard drinker, smoker and a fuckin' addict (joke lang!), Chaps also loves eating CHOLESTEROL ENRICHED a.k.a. FUCK-ME-WITH-LARD food.

So there goes all our drinking parties.. Rock shows.. There goes our *narcotics anonymous* days.. Everything down the drain. Give us a couple of months to recover.. For now.. We'll just have to stay put and start opening our books because DAMN! Finals na!

Boyfriend and I were talking about it a while ago, and he said it felt like we just woke up from a hangover. Y'know that feeling you get when you drank too much alcohol and took too much ecstasy the night before and you wake up next day with a headache and a blinding realization that the fun won't last like you thought it would and that sooner or later, you're gonna have to face all the shameless shit you did and everything around you suddenly becomes so... REAL. Cuz when you were high, you didn't care much and everything around you seemed like it was from a dream.. Blah blah blah.. I could go on and on talking about it but anyway, my main point is.. WE'RE SOBER. MEANING WE'RE BACK TO THE REAL WORLD. AND THE REAL WORLD SUCKS.